The Moldy Peaches - Anyone else but you.

Dear readers.

This is real, now I'm just staring in front of my laptop and read some blogs and then write again and again. it means my mood on writing is well now. I hope this can be a new begining for me to get up. Honestly, I don't have any remarkable stories to share with you during this day. I'm just stay in my room and reading a few blogs and listening The moldy peaches over and over again. But, it doesn't means I'm stuck on those situation. Now I have and get so many inspirations and ideas to do instead of waiting someone texting me on my cell phone. Well, now I'm addicted to The moldy peaches song's titled anyone else but you. I'm sure you guys know that song.

Lyrics | The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else but You lyrics

Why am I so addicted to that song? well, the lyrics remind me about someone. truthfully I hate to admit it, because I'm too ashame for that. As I told you before, now I have a close friend and he's a boy. I don't know if what we doing can be called an open relationship or not, but we really do it now. This is the same boy that I ever told you on my previous notes, yes still him. And I hope he will never know that I've write so many things about him on this blog. Let's call him Joe ( I love Joe Jonas, he always judge him self as "my joe jonas" and her nick name is Jo too ).

The song is so us, this the first time in my life I feel so stupid on this things. Sometimes we just talk about the silly things over sms, and when we meet on the college we're almost never speak too much. At first I just want him to be my part time lover and a full time a friend, but now why I feel so different?. I know it must be the effects of the habit, now I can't pretend that I always miss his jokes.

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right. This part describing us, we didn't stay for a consistency. But what we do is FUN, souds crazy funny huh?. Gosh, I think I'm getting sink into this unpredictable thing. Well, is that mean I'm in love? no, please not now I'm just not ready to feel it now. I don't want to ruin my plans because I'm in love. No restu!

But it's been a long time since we starting our first conversations. And now I feel that he's mine, but the truth is the opposite. That's fucking hurt.

I'm a bit insane for this thing, I'm not ready to break up. Eventhough, he told me about what his feel (and the good news are he feel the same way with me) but I'm still doubt about us. We didn't really know each other, but the sounds in my head says " I don't care about everything ".

He's not the boy that I want, not my type exactly. But I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but him.  I will always try to keep it real, and I hope he do the same. Because I'm in love with how his feel. Still don't know how long this things could be lasting out.

*sighs
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.  
But you.
( sing it quietly )

 taken from : Juno the movie

Raindrops dancing in my hand.

Hello, my name is Briseis.

I can't do anything, I just want to tell my story.

   Lately, I saw a boy in the red jacket, jumped beneath the stars.

   He was helping me to count the stars, I know I know he was treating me because I'm only 8.

   He told me "the stars is too much so I can't count it for you litle girl".

   And at that time, I feel so bliss.

   He was on my random dream, I was ever dream of him eventhough I don't know his name.

   The rain was fall as slow as I saw his move, na.. na.. na.. na.. and the cupid was singing to us.

   I heard the most romantic words in a silence, the old town seems so new.

   The gray day turn into the sunny day.

   Till I heard a single voice, " honey, you have to get back to your mom! she must be confuse where you are".

   The rain washed the street, we're wet.

   He took my hand, and I felt my heart beat.

   If I have to wish for one thing, I would wish I could born 15 years sooner.

   I bet this boy is 23.

   He brought me back to my mom and then he said his farewell.

   I'm a bit of disapointment.

   But, at least I still can feel the raindrops dancing in my hand, when I recall that moment.

Hello, my name is Briseis.

I can't do anything, I just want to tell my story.

I'm (still) no one, but I gotta be someone.

Dear readers.

What do you think about my blog's new look? is it messy? well, I did the editing in the middle of the night. I hope you like it baby !

By the way, day by day my passion in writing is getting better. I was read a few blogs of indonesian blogger who has a creativity and inspiring. I have to thank God because I really love reading, at least when I get bored I do the worth thing.

Yesterday I was just thinking about how to become "someone" on my younghood, well for these last two days I was spend my time looking for fresh inspiration. and guess what, I get it now. Firstly, I found cassey's blog and it attracted me to read over and over again. Not only cass but also sarah jane, this girl is pretty unique. she write anything on her own way. Cass and sarah inspired me to do the same things, just write what I want and what I think. I wish I could inspiring people too. amin !
And I'm not forget to visit alanda kariza's blog but unfortunately she didn't write a new one. Last night I got tweet by kezia gabriella, a young talented blogger. she asked  about her idea to quit blogging, and I said No. we had a little conversation over twitter and she was thank me because I made her feel better.
Well, a friendly tweet by cass and gabby making me eager to do something so I could be someone. I got my positive spirit because of it, after all those annoying day and my bad mood now I get a wake up call. I still don't know what exactly that I should do for a begining, all I know is now I have to rearrange all my plans eventhough I still have no direction to reach it. So, I do it with writing on my blog now and I do hope I could be an officially writer like cassey, amin. I know it seems too far away, at least I would try from now. I don't want to lose my chance. I have to keep moving on.

I remember that Paulo coelho told us in his book The alchemist, if we really wishing for something and have a strong desire, a whole world would help us to make it come true. And I believe it.

I want to be an author, that's the one of my big dream. I was write a few short story and long story but I have never get them finished. I just discover some of them on my laptop, and I never notice that I have made so many unfinished story. that's bad baby, cause they has a good title but I don't know how to finished it. The stories was too old, so I'm forget about the idea of stories. But, I will start with my new stories. And now, beside I will write all about my life here, I also have a plan to write some poetry and fictions. Just wait for that dear, because I believe someday I will become "someone" eventhough now I'm just no one.

Anyway don't forget to read Letters, stories, and dreams by cassandra niki. it has been sold on a bookstore and you will never regret to have it.

Thanks Cassey, Thanks :)

Dear readers.

Today my mood is getting better than before (wide smile). eventhough I still can't get up from this bad temptation and still can't find the energy to get a power but I'm better now.
Anyway I just get a new haircut, I hope this new haircut can affecting my mood better day by day. seriously I'm tired for being bad on mood !

Hahahaha... I'm so sorry if I become so narcissistic, but this is the first time I take a pose in front of the camera during this fucking two months. at least, now my passion for being narcissistic is getting back :p.
Anyway, today is the best day for me on this boredom march.
why? because I just discover someone who can make my spirit up (Finally).
She's Helena Cassandra niki sucahyo, I'm in love with her blog and now I'm so addicted of it.
I woke up this morning and had breakfast with a fried rice and Ice tea, I did my habit (tweeting), and writing on this blog. And till I saw tweet by casseybunn so I opened her page and visited her blog http://blog.casseybunn.com I read her articles and I got a new inspiration to get up from this shit situation, I love everything she wrote and she told everything that made me say "hey, I need to wake up !".
and I love her tagline on her blog, she say remember: if it hurts, it's probabbly worth it.

I didn't read the whole articles on her blog, it will take times but I will read it soon. the one of her articles that I love, titled ironic, this is my favorite. and besides she writes her inspiring ideas, she also writes about photography. I bet she has a good taste in art, you can see her cool arts on http://casseybunn.deviantart.com

she was make an awesome works. Now, cassey is an officially writer. Her book titled Letters, Stories, and Dreams has been sold on the bookstore, and I can't wait to read it.

Cassey is beautiful, not only beautiful she's cool, creative, smart, and open minded too.

Well, just like me she's a girl in a small body posture, she's 20 now and I'm 19. But she's already make a "something" and I wish I could be like her. anyway, I tweeted her this morning and she's tweeted me back.

she told me:

casseybunn @restu_etuu Well good morning then! If I have inspired you, now it's your turn to inspire someone else ;)

Thaks cassey I wish I could :)

you're my vanilla twilight

I Miss you, darling I wish you were here.

(this is trully what I feel, inspired by vanilla twilight - owl city)

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

a story about home

I'm very exhausted now.
If I have any three wishes, I just want to use one of them. Please, please, please bring me to my own home.
Home, is the right place for me to end up, a final destination to go, a place where I belong.
I don't want to be a melancholic or dramatic. this is what I feel.
I know what I want, but how long I can wait for that. everyday was unremarkable, my day was begin with a simple things and end up with so ordinary. please teach me how to learn to take a wisdom in every second.
I'm still holding on here, wait to find my way home.
Seconds, hours, many days, I'm still losing my way.
Give me a reason to fight, and what if my chance has over please assure me that I was wrong.
Home, I need to get back to this place and take some rests.
But, I go nowhere now. I have no place to hide my self from all those shit things.
Anyway, I've lost my passion in everything I used to love. I don't have any spirit like before.
I can't help my own self as I always do.
Patronsaint, I need you..
Your heart is the most beautiful home to me.
Let me lean on you for a moment, Please...
I almost gave up my dreams, so take me by the hand and show me that I can.
In your heart, I can take my every step struggle.
In your heart, I can run so fast.
In your heart, No boundaries.
In your heart, there's my home.

Hello March :)

I say hello to MARCH.
Welcome MARCH I wish this month would be better for us. Amin

February just ended, I was never realized how come that time could be so fast?. And I didn't blogging too much on last february.
I just starting my March moment with some weird things.
That's funny, but I've been stop dreaming for a while. I was live my life with holding super dreams and now my dream, my life seems like has been paused.
What's going on with this? why now I'm just stare for something strange and I don't event know is that thing trully exist?.

Nevermind.

I want to be a calm girl but frontalistic

It's ain't about something wrong in my life, eventhough I can't pretend this is strange and ridiculous for me.

tell me what should I do to bring the real me back?