Restu's Virtual notes

Something more about Carly Flannery Walter.

2012-02-14T13:10:00.001-08:00

Carly lived a normal suburban lifestyle in Jakarta, Indonesia. She

lived with her mother Saffina Listya (a success woman career as

banker), and her grandparents Prasetya Adjie Wiryatmadja (Reputable

person as known as ex- Jakarta governor on 1987-1992) and Maudy

Rahmanti. Carly has attending one of the most popular college in

Indonesia and took political science as the major, she's also a member

of Akademisi Akuntansi, the best accounting academic in Jakarta.

Formerly, Carly was plan ahead to choose politician as her profession

in the future and accounting for her early career. Carly's world was a

pretty normal, until she found there's something wrong within her

self. Carly having discovered that she's always talking alone to

herself. When she has a doubtly question to herself, unconditionally

she can get the right answer rapidly by hearing another sound inside his

head. Or, when she want to do something that might be so risks that she's never

think about it before, that sound always insist to make her do the

opossite. Initially she thought that she perhaps suffering something

called as multiple identity, but she decides to keeping it as a

secret. Meanwhile, Carly also experiencing a weird dream almost

everynight. In her dream she saw a girl that physically looks like

her, but she tought that girl actually wasn't her because the dream

shows there's a different life between the girl's life and her life.

The situation was effectively turned her upside down, she keeps

contemplating what has happening to her everyday.

In one day, Carly meet Ezio her childhood friend who's just back from

Seattle, California. Carly suddenly have a trust for Ezio, they're

both connects each other. Carly eventually tell Ezio about what's

going on with her and Ezio tell Carly that he has already knew about

it since the first time he saw her right after he got back. Carly

surprised for Ezio's reaction and she's asking him how did he knew,

Ezio tell Carly that he able to hear someone's thought. Accompanied by

Ezio, Carly trying to looking for 'the real her' with making question

about her past to her mother and she also asks to meet her father,

Xavier Walter. The situation is getting complicated when Saffina tell

Carly the fake story about Xavier, and Carly's condition is getting

worse.

The dream is haunting her more and more, until in one night on her

dream for the very first time Carly having a conversation with the

girl who looks like her. The girl tell Carly that she should be more

understand about her self. Waking up from her slumber Carly sees

Saffina is on her side, Saffina tell her that she saw Carly talk alone

unconsciousness. On the next day Carly decides to leave a college

because she want to pursue her dream as a journalist. This decision

makes a whole family argueing her, especially her grandfather who have

a faith that Carly should be the next politician generation in their

family. Carly explains to her family that she need to fight her dream,

change her dream into a plan that she'll make it real because the

politician was not her dream, it's just a family plan that she don't

even want to dream it.

Day by day Carly's life changing and evolving, but she keeps wondering

about what has happening to her and she still didn't find the answer

about her past. She do believes there must be something wrong because

the dream keep continue, it's just like a sign for her to find who she

really is. Carly keeps searching for the unraveling answer. There must

be a secret, she guess.

Me about Carly.

2012-02-13T12:10:00.001-08:00

Readers, may some of you are wondering why I keep write about Carly
again and again in this blog?. Like I told you on my previous post,
Carly Flannery Walter is a fictional character originally created by
me, as a mine character for my serials short stories. And Carly also
the main character on my unfinished project 'Secretly Carly' and I'm
still working out on it to get it finished. The epic and detail about
Carly is on that book, so when 'Secretly Carly' is done you guys will
know the real her.

I've wrote so many character for my short stories and novel (although
for novel, mostly left abandoned because of writer's block), but Carly
now is my most favourite. Why? I have at least two reasons, first this
gonna be my very first writing project that use sci-fi as genre,
second beside Carly lucky life, in the other hand she's so me. As a
human I've try my best in everything, I'm trying to reach my aim as
far as I can, sometimes the things going well and sometimes the
opossite. There's a time I feel so strong, pleased, and fine with my
life but there's also always a ways to makes everything got ruined,
hopeless, and I feel so low. That's why I do wishing God to making me
could be able of something that I'm unable, I asks for rechargeable
power everyday, and I pray for everything that I fear of. In a
positive, don't know why I still keep to feed my dream flame me on,
and keep consume my curiousity. As an ordinary human I can do anything
but I can't do everything. Just like Carly I feel trapped by cubicle
too, and I'm trying hard to get out from it by creating Carly
character, not only in my stories but also in my life. This world is
too large to enjoy a little few place, too much miracle to discovered,
and I'm just too weak to grab it all at once. There's a high
consequencies by being a high inquisitive, I've created 'another me'
to taste another dimension. The simple is Carly is a fictional girl in
a fictional stories with my conscience inside. She's my alter ego.

About Carly Flannery Walter.

2012-02-13T06:51:00.001-08:00

Carly Flannery Walter is a fictional character was created by me,
Restu Hapsari. I first introduced Carly Flannery Walter to readers
over my twitter account @smileyrestu and my blogger account on
February 2012 as my own fictional character for my upcoming short
stories that will be published on this blog. Eventhough readers were
introduced to Carly Flannery Walter since this month, I've been start
using Carly character for about several months earlier before Carly
Flannery Walker got exposed. Carly first appearance was on my
unpublish and unfinish (still continue up untill now) book project
writing titled 'Secretly Carly'. Secretly Carly is a story using
science fiction as it's genre and put quantum physics, psychology, and
meta- sains as the power of the story.

*Secretly Carly

I began to write Secretly Carly on November 2011, at that time I
didn't have any idea for what's the title and what's the story about.
All I had was a lot of imagination about 21 years old girl who thought
her life was grounded by a cubicle circle. I decide to use Carly
Flannery Walter as the main character's name because Carly means
dainty little girl, Flannery means as strong as an iron, and Walter is
the last name which has been given by her biological father that has a
meaning as hero. Carly was just another ordinary lucky girl with an
average normal life before she got drove by her curiousity and almost
become insane when she was discovering her self has more than complex
than she could imagine. Carly try to looking for 'who she is' by
understanding what she really want to do, until she found out her
secret passion and her secret ambition.

Carly Flannery Walter's in-story states, Bio:

2012-02-13T03:06:00.001-08:00

Full name: Carly Flannery Walter
Nickname: kimimela, pixie, miss impossible, little hero
Gender: Female
D.O.B: August 3rd, 1990
Home: Pluit residence Jakarta, Indonesia
Occupation: College student of Indonesia Social & Politic Institute,
Political major (formerly), Student of Akademisi akuntansi short
course (formerly), Student of Journalistic school of Reinhard
(currently).
Parents : Xavier Lawrence Walter (father), Saffina Lystia (mother).
Grandparents : Eugene Walter, Soledad Foncessa Walter [paternal].
Prasetya Adjie Wiryaatmadja (ex- Jakarta Governor periode 1992-1987,
*in reality was Soerjadi Soedirdjo who was lead in this periode*),
Maudy Rahmanti [maternal].

Tentang sebuah tulisan.

2012-02-12T23:45:00.001-08:00

Readers, belakangan ini gue lagi sering-seringnya nulis. Keinginan gue
buat jadi penulis rasanya udah nggak kebendung lagi, pokoknya tahun
ini harus ada buku yang selesai dan siap publish. Awalnya gue memilih
jurnal pribadi buat di bukukan, just like Cassandra Nikki with her
'Letters, Stories, and Dreams' or Fitri Rakhmawati with her 'Kening'.
I admit that both of them was really inspired me to write private
journal as a book, Beside it's easier rather than write novels, I have
my own unique stories and it's kinda cute to be shared. Gue pun sudah
menulisnya beberapa halaman, dan gue senang karena menurut sahabat gue
yang pernah baca tulisan gue katanya menarik. Tapi belakangan gue
kepikiran ide lain, setau gue biasanya jurnal pribadi ditulis sama
orang yang cukup dikenal masyarakat and I'm nothing like that.
Akhirnya setelah gue pikir-pikir jurnal pribadi ini harus di dahului
sama something remarkable of me. Gue pun bingung gimana caranya, dan
ditengah kebingungan gue itu muncul inspirasi menulis lain yaitu
mengubah ide jurnal pribadi menjadi sebuah novel. Dengan konsep cerita
yang sama, dan penokohan yang di perbanyak gue pun mulai menulis novel
tersebut. Novel yang rencananya gue kasih judul Puzzle itu pun
sekarang sudah dalam bentuk draft-draft per bab. Novel yang ceritanya
seputar dunia remaja ini sesuai dengan judulnya 'Puzzle' gue pun
menulisnya menggunakan analogi puzzle, yaitu secara nggak beraturan
dari awal ke akhir melainkan dari tengah cerita ke akhir baru ke awal.
Kalau sudah finish akan disusun kembali supaya jadi kesatuan cerita
yang benar-benar tersusun dari awal sampai akhir. Gue menulisnya
dengan antusias, sampai akhirnya gue baca ulang dan rasa antusias gue
pun berubah jadi rasa kurang puas. Novel ini entah kenapa terasa nggak
bernyawa buat gue, cara penulisan gue kelihatan flat padahal alur
ceritanya menurut gue menarik. Jelas ada sesuatu yang salah dengan
cara menulis gue, akhirnya gue coba compare novel ini sama jurnal
pribadi yang gue buat dan gue ngerti kenapa semuanya begitu berbeda.
Ketika gue baca dalam bentuk jurnal pribadi, gue bisa ngerasain
emosionalnya tokoh-tokoh dalam cerita. Karena tulisan model ini lebih
cenderung menggunakan komunikasi satu arah (kayak curhatan) jadi
secara otomatis si pembaca cuma fokus ke perasaan si penulis, sehingga
maksud, pesan, dan perasaan yang disampaikan akan muncul dalam satu
persepsi. Dan secara otomatis pula pembaca bisa merasakan perasaan
yang sama dengan si penulis. Berbeda dengan menulis sebuah novel yang
punya lebih banyak tokoh dan nggak memungkinkan untuk mementingkan
perasaan satu atau dua orang tokoh saja, mungkin hal ini bisa terjadi
kepada pembaca karena setiap penikmat cerita pasti punya tokoh
favorit, tapi tidak pada penulisnya. Penulis novel harus bisa mengenal
secara detail karakter dalam novel yang ditulisnya, bahkan karakter
yang peranannya kecil sekalipun. Selain itu penulis novel baiknya juga
merasakan setiap perasaan yang dialami setiap tokoh di dalam
ceritanya, pendeskripsian secara mendetail tidak cukup untuk membuat
novel jadi hidup. Gue pernah baca novel yang penulisnya cuma
menonjolkan tokoh utamanya dan menurut gue novel itu jadi unremarkable
aja, padahal ceritanya bagus. Beda sama novel-novel Sitta Karina yang
selalu jadi favorit, ceritanya normal banget bahkan biasa terjadi di
kehidupan sehari-hari. Mungkin novel remaja tulisan Sitta Karina bisa
terasa cheesy banget kalau bukan ditulis oleh Sitta, karena Sitta
Karina punya sense menulis yang luar biasa ditambah dengan pengetahuan
dan penokohan yang kuat novel-novelnya selalu best seller. Atau novel
Dewi Lestari yang selalu menonjolkan ketidak laziman dalam ceritanya
tapi selalu cerdas mengemasnya melalui kalimat-kalimat dalam bahasa
yang berat sehingga novelnya punya ciri khas. Balik lagi ke novel gue,
intinya novel gue itu jadinya agak pointless karena kan emang itu
terinspirasi dari pengalaman pribadi gue jadi gue cuma menyajikan
cerita dengan sudut pandang gue doang. Ibaratnya gue mau ceritain
tentang si x, gue cuma bisa sebatas cerita soal kelakuan dan dialog si
x, tapi nggak bisa mendeskripsikan apa yang si X rasain. Akhirnya, gue
memutuskan buat ninggalin dulu (kebiasaan) novel itu karena gue
clueless dan writer's block.

Hello world, may I come in?

2012-02-12T17:33:00.001-08:00

Hello readers, what's up..
Kali ini gue punya cerita loh, seputar kehidupan gue yang lagi nggak
jelas arahnya mau kemana ini. Mulainya dari mana ya? Hmmm..
Oke dari sini aja ya, mungkin beberapa diantara kalian sudah ada yang
tau kalau gue off from any activities for a while, ini semua karena
disebabkan kesehatan gue yang lagi menurun parah. Awalnya, gue sempat
di diagnosa mengalami stress yang cukup berat sehingga menyebabkan
tingkat kesadaran yang nggak terkendali alias ngaco, sampai gangguan
fisik yang sekarang malah jadi penyakit bahkan bad habit yang parahnya
nggak ketolong. Awalnya gue cuma beberapa kali kena gejala tyfus yang
disebabkan asam lambung yang over, satu kali gejala dbd, trombosit
yang fluktuatif alias nggak stabil, sakit kepala (walau udah biasa),
sampe tekanan darah yang bisa naik turun seenaknya (tekanan darah gak
pernah normal, kadang <90 atau >130). Nah yang terakhir ini yang
katanya paling perlu diwaspadain, karena dengan kondisi fisik gue yang
segini, umur segini (berat < 50kg) tekanan darah 140 itu nggak wajar,
pernah sekali sampe 150/30. Alhasil gue hampir menghabiskan waktu gue
buat ke dokter tiap hari cuma demi menstabilkan tekanan darah doang,
karena kadang tekanan darah gue bisa turun jadi 90 gitu tiba-tiba,
aneh bukan?. Masalahnya tekanan darah itu resikonya besar, bisa
mengakibatkan pecah atau menyempitnya pembuluh darah. Impact dari itu,
gue jadi insomnia parah. Awalnya cuma begadang sampai jam tiga pagi
aja, dan itu berlangsung selama tiga bulanan kurang lebih. Tapi makin
lama makin parah, lama-lama jadi sampe jam 4, jam 5, sekarang gue
hampir jarang bisa tidur alias gak ngantuk-ngantuk, padahal gue nggak
minum kopi loh. Awalnya dokter mikir ini gara-gara hipertensi tapi
anehnya gue nggak ngerasa lemes sama sekali. Gue awalnya nggak
nganggap ini masalah serius, karena ternyata begadang itu enak. Gue
bisa nulis sepuasnya, bisa nonton dvd sampe bosen, dan akhirnya gue
malah jadi punya kebiasaan baru gara-gara ini. Gue mendadak jadi
tertarik sama dunia sains,fisika, dan supranatural. Believe it or not,
i did astral projection once, dan ternyata itu sakit banget pas kita
maksain jiwa keluar dari raga (ada tahapan2nya, jangan coba
sembarangan). Nggak ada maksud apa-apa sih, cuma penasaran aja kok.
Balik ke soal ketertarikan baru gue, sekarang gue lagi belajar sains
loh terutama fisika kuantum, kenapa? It's too amazing guys, bener deh.
Sampai akhirnya gue kepikiran buat bikin sci-fi story. Sayangnya,
lama-lama gejala nggak tidur gue meluas jadi gejala nggak laper dan
tiap makan pasti muntah. Awalnya, dokter bilang ini semacam bulimia
gitu tapi tanpa unsur kesengajaan. Alhasil gue cuma bisa mengkonsumsi
makanan yang udah jadi larutan. Intinya sekarang gue kayak robot gak
ngantuk dan gak laper, tapi gue nggak lemes anehnya. Akhirnya
konsultasi ke dokter lagi, katanya gejala gue ini masih misterius apa
penyebabnya walaupun diyakini karena gue yang lagi stress. Bukan
stress gimana ya, tapi kondisi fisik yang menurun secara kontinyu
ditambah gejala insomnia dan bulimia itu tanpa gue sadari telah
meningkatkan stress. Jadi sekarang ini gue lagi dalam pengobatan,
walau keliatannya gak seserius sakit kanker atau leukemia, tekanan
darah gue yang cenderung tinggi tapi hemoglobin rendah ini bisa jadi
masalah serius. Apalagi dengan frekuensi otak gue yang kurang
istirahat karena kurang tidur kadang suka bikin sakit kepala sampe
kayak orang sakaw bawaannya, lebih dari itu gue suka tiba-tiba hilang
keseimbangan, kepala berat, pandangan kabur parah dan itu berlangsung
lama banget (biasanya cuma sekilas tapi ini bermenit-menit), pernah
sampe gue pingsan dan kata dokter tingkat parahnya bisa sampe hilang
kesadaran alias koma. Belum lagi berat badan gue yang makin hari makin
kayak penderita anorexia ini, makin memperparah kesehatan gue. Kata
dokter proses penyembuhannya mungkin makan waktu lama, karena selain
harus mengobati efek yang ditimbulkan, metabolisme tubuh juga harus
diperbaiki, tapi terlebih dari itu semua gejala-gejala yang timbul
harus diatasi duluan. Misalnya insomnia harus tertangani agar tekanan
darah bisa lebih baik, dan kerja otak bisa kembali normal. Atau
minimal bisa makan normal deh nggak dimuntah-muntahin lagi biar asupan
makanannya bisa jadi tenaga, karena makanan yang sudah di kemas dalam
kapsul atau makanan yang di masukin lewat infus itu nggak jadi tenaga.
Intinya, gue lagi dalam pengawasan dokter dan belum bisa beraktivitas
secara normal karena kondisi fisik yang yah begitulah. Jadi minta
doanya yah readers. Tapi tenang gue punya project baru nih, mau bikin
cerita fiksi ilmiah hehehe. Salah satu tokohnya si Carly Flannery
Walter ini. Kayak apa? Get in a line, come up soon.

Carly Flannery Walter's background.

2012-02-12T14:28:00.001-08:00

Carly was born to Xavier Walter and Saffina Listya, unmarriage couple
who loved each other but their relationship had been refused by
Saffina's big family because of cultural and tradition reasons. Based
on genetic lines, Carly is half America - indian, half Mexican, and
half Indonesia - java. Her biological father is an american who has
mexican blood and her mother is javanese - indonesian. Carly's life
was handled and carried by her mother Saffina, a success woman career
as banker and her reputable grandparents. Her grandfather Prasetya
Adjie Wiryaatmadja was ex- Jakarta governor in eighteen years ago.
Grew up around well educated environment makes Carly's life covered
with arrangement. Twenty one years Carly lives in Jakarta, Carly never
meet her biological father.

Fwd: Jati diri, mimpi, dan distraksi.

2012-02-06T08:54:00.001-08:00

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: restu hapsari <guehidupdalamsemangat@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, 6 Feb 2012 08:49:42 -0800
Subject: Jati diri, mimpi, dan distraksi.
To: restuoutofline.nathan@blogger.com

Dua puluh satu tahun, tujuh bulan, tiga hari. Aku hidup di alam
semestaku, semesta yang sedang aku hirup oksigennya saat ini, malam
ini.↲Masih banyak pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang belum kutemukan
jawabannya, kadang pertanyaan terasa jauh lebih kuat daripada jawaban.
Aku menemukan lebih banyak pertanyaan tanpa jawaban daripada
pernyataan yang patut dipertanyakan. Sampai saat ini aku masih
berkutat dalam pertanyaan-pertanyaan seputar diri sendiri, belum
beranjak dari situ sejak sepuluh tahun lalu, saat pertama kalinya aku
menentukan gambaran diri sendiri di masa depan. Misalnya, Kenapa aku
disini? Kenapa aku pilih jalan ini? Kenapa aku seperti ini? Apa mauku
sebenarnya?.↲Jauh dalam hati dan pikiranku, aku merasa masih sangat
jauh dari jalan menemukan jati diriku sendiri. Apa sih jati diri?
Betulkah semua manusia itu punya jati diri?, Pertanyaan lagi. Aku
sendiri merasa belum pasti soal jati diri yang katanya dicari itu.
Suatu pagi aku terbangun dari tidur, kemudian secara insting aku ingin
sekali melakukan hal yang bisa menuntunku menemukan jalanku menuju
penemuan 'jati diri', satu hari hanya terdiri dari dua puluh empat jam
lamanya, mana cukup untuk menemukan jalan menuju si jati diri dalam
waktu sesingkat itu. Esok paginya aku terbangun lagi, ingin melakukan
hal yang lainnya lagi, setiap hari aku berubah keinginan. Terlalu
banyak hal yang berubah persetiap detik di setiap harinya, terlalu
banyak peluang untuk hal-hal menarik terjadi setiap hari. Dan
celakanya, hal ini sangat berpengaruh terhadap konsistensi dan
konsekwensiku dalam mengejar si jati diri. Bayangkan, keinginan
berbeda di setiap bangun pagi, sementara keinginan kemarin belum
selesai di wujudkan. Rasanya ingin sekali meminta Tuhan memberikan
waktu ekstra setiap harinya agar aku bisa mengerjakan sesuatu yang
bernilai agar aku bisa mewujudkan mimpi dalam satu hari. Hidup ini
terlalu banyak menawariku mimpi, harapan, dan cita-cita. Sementara
mereka dengan mudah menghampiri, kukejar mereka sekuat tenaga, dan
saat aku mulai lelah dan terlelap dalam tidur mereka melebur bersama
mimpi yang ada dalam tidur. Ketika bangun aku sudah punya mimpi,
harapan, dan cita-cita yang lain. Kemana kamu wahai mimpi, harapan,
dan cita-cita yang terbengkalai? Kadang aku bisa menemukanmu lagi di
sela-sela buku harian lamaku yang sudah terlipat-lipat, kadang kamu
terbayar dan terwujudkan meski setelah begitu lama kutinggalkan,
kadang kamu hanya diam di suatu dimensi tak terlihat di dalam jiwa
atau ragaku dan menunggu untuk kujemput.↲Pada akhirnya, aku sadar. Aku
hanyalah seorang pemimpi yang mudah terdistraksi tapi susah
berdeterminasi, dan aku hanya memelihara reaksi emosionalku sebagai
persepsi.↲↲Distraksi-distraksi itu akan selalu aku konsumsi setiap
hari, harus kubangun determinasi bukan sekedar persepsi. Aku tidak
tahu soal eksistensi jati diri, aku hanya ingin menjemput mimpi-mimpi,
paling tidak mimpi-mimpi yang bisa kutemukan di semesta yang sedang
kutinggali ini.

GUILTY PLEASURE

2011-11-14T05:49:00.000-08:00

MY NEW HAIRCUT IS THE ONE OF MY GUILTY FEELING :'(

IT'S GUILTY PLEASURE

Skyscraper.

2011-10-26T21:57:00.000-07:00

You might ever broke my heart, you might ever disapointed me.

Now, you brought me to feel a brand new day with a new breath.

You come to my life for a many times just to make sure if that I'm okay.

Is that sweet baby?

I thought yes.

If only you knew that you're the one who could makes me laugh in a random situation.

Thanks for always be the same boy, same boy who never let me cry for a long time.

And now, I promise you that I will always be tough.

I might lose my love, my boyfriend, my red ranger, my william.

But you told me that "you still have me, cause I'll always be the one who catch you whenever you need someone to fall back on".

Does it means I still have you? I wish the answer is yes.

You told me that " you can guess that I was just gone from your life, I'm already get over you but that's wrong because I still watch you even in a distance".

Does it means I still have you? I wish the answer is yes.

I might be so brokenhearted, I might be so wreck yesterday and now.

Because as you know that I love my william so much, and when he's gone he took the whole power in me, his left made my world feel so fucking tore, you can see that.

When I'm brokenheart I feel the skies are crying. And now I'm just catching teradrops in my hand, let them dancing on it over and over again.

Thankyou for trying to making me realise that my life is the most precious one, like you told me several night ago that I'm too precious to you.

I know that all my windows are broken but I'm standing on my feet.

Yeah he might took everything I have, he might broke everything I am. Like I'm made of glass, like I'm made of paper.

He might go on and tear me down but I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper.

Like a skyscraper.

I'm your skyscraper and you're my skyscraper.

a little confession.

2011-09-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

Our last ten month, we've been together.

Learn to fly, and then we fall.

Nothing last forever baby, and too bad this feeling is the one of it.

Sepuluh bulan yang lalu kamu adalah orang yang paling sering tertawa keras dihadapanku, orang yang berbicara dengan lantang sementara aku lebih banyak diam dan tersenyum. Kamu selalu menolongku entah untuk alasan apa, yang jelas aku sangat senang atas hadirmu yang tiba - tiba itu. Kamu dan aku mencoba mempersatukan segala macam pikiran dan perasaan, ah sulit yah kita memang berbeda telak nampaknya. Tapi kamu begitu unik, kadang tampak begitu lugu dihadapanku meski kadang kamu terlihat sebaliknya. Kamu ajaib sayang, lihat aku begitu gampang menyerah dihadapanmu padahal aku bukan perempuan yang gampang percaya hati laki - laki, tapi aku bukan hanya sekedar percaya hatimu aku juga percayakan seluruh mimpi dan hidupku untuk kamu satukan dengan mimpi dan hidupmu.

Sayang, terimakasih karena kamu telah mengajakku ke dunia yang belum pernah aku tau sebelumnya. Dunia dimana aku dapat merasakan terbang tanpa sayap, berlari tanpa takut jatuh, berangan tanpa takut tenggelam, bermimpi tanpa takut terbangun jika mimpi itu telah berakhir. Bertualang sama kamu sangat menyenangkan, memberiku banyak pelajaran dan aku terbuai di dalamnya. Sayang, terimakasih kamu telah banyak berkorban. Waktu, tenaga, pikiran, perasaan yang tulus kamu kasih buat aku. Mungkin aku yang tak bisa lagi mengerti keadaan, aku yang selalu merasa asing, aku yang paling salah.

Sayang, lagi - lagi terimakasih buat semuanya. Kamu yang selalu mengantarku kemana-mana, mulai dari toko buku sampai rumah sakit. my whole world feels complete with you.

Semoga kamu dapat melanjutkan hidup dengan baik bersama dia yang terbaik sayang. Disini aku cuma bisa berdoa dengan agak menangis melepas kamu. Tak lupa seuntai maaf aku minta dari kamu, maaf karena aku udah nggak bisa mengerti keinginan, mimpi, dan rencana kamu. Maaf buat semuanya.

dedicate to : my loveable red ranger

7 Months.

2011-06-02T15:22:00.000-07:00

Loveable you.

2011-06-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

This boy called Botot.

First time, I didn't know his existing in this world. one year, two years, he was still someone I didn't know. Suddenly I lose my passion in everything, and God brought me to saw him in every sheer chances. And wow he's so damn funny and out of control, unique.

Time after time this feeling was feel so weird, I thought he was my brother. I feel safe when I stand next to him. I don't know it came naturally.

His smile, sounds of his laugh was healing me from any hurt. God did you really sent me this crazy boy to making me happy?

He gave me those sweet november on two thousand and ten. He declare his love and I was surprised, I thought I need a wings to fly, thankyou for being my boy.

First month :

Fall in Love :)

Second month:

I Love to kiss and hug him everyday :*

Third month:

I told my whole stories to him :)

Fourth month:

Fighthing!! :(

Fifth month:

Fluctuated -_-

Sixth month:

God give us strength to face all the temptation :')

Seventh month:

We couldn't live without spend the time together ^_*

I LOVE YOU FRANS HARRY WILLIAM :*

WISH YOU'RE THE LAST FOR ME

WISH WE'RE BLESSED

SO, WE'RE BLISS

Butterfly fly away.

2011-02-19T04:06:00.000-08:00

Untuk papa yang tersayang.

Selamat sore pap, gimana kabarnya hari ini?
pasti bosan ya terus menerus berbaring di ranjang itu, aku tau.
aku juga selalu benci bau rumah sakit, apalagi obat - obatnya yang selalu membuatku mau muntah.

Pap...
aku ingat ketika papa berjalan disampingku lalu papa bilang aku itu si kupu kupu.
aku kupu kupu yang akan selalu terbang kesana kemari dengan sayapku sendiri.
katamu, aku harus selalu ingat..
ingat jika suatu hari aku terlalu lelah terbang, menolehlah ke belakang.
disanalah dirimu, bentangan pelukan hangat akan siap menangkapku.

Dear readers...... I'm back :)

2010-10-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

I miss all the things in this blog, and I have no words to say but sorry for abandoning this blog for a very long time...

In this last three months I've been spending my whole time to had a lot of fun with my friend, for a positive I'm more than just happy.... and for a negative I was had too much fun so times flees and yeah I'm such fell asleep in the whole moments.. hehe..

And I finally I try Ice skating for the first time... haha

Meet up and catch up with my highschool mates :)

And I went to Pangandaran :D

Now I do my habit. take a picture in a campus corridor..

Determinasi.

2010-07-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

Pernah gagal? gue pernah bahkan sering.
Mungkin sebagian orang menyebutnya gagal, tapi gue merasa lebih sreg dengan kata belum berhasil.
Gue adalah orang yang menaruh banyak keyakinan pada sebuah kata - kata bijak atau quotations. Gue pernah baca bahwa untuk bisa berhasil kita akan mengalami yang namanya masa belum berhasil. Belum berhasil bukan berarti gagal kan? setidaknya gue sangat keep up dengan kalimat tersebut.

"Not Success doesn't mean failed"

Contohnya klasiknya Thomas Alvaedison yang mesti mengalami percobaan yang belum berhasil berkali-kali sebelum penemuannya berhasil. Gue mungkin bukan orang pintar tapi gue gak mau di bilang bodoh, setidaknya gue punya minat yang bisa dikembangkan dan yang paling penting gue punya mimpi yang unlimited, yang siap gue perjuangkan.

"Losers are people who are so afraid of not winning, they don't even try." - little miss sunshine

Bakat, minat, impian, doa, dan sebuah usaha belum cukup untuk mencapai kata sukses dan berhasil. Jangan lupa kita bisa jatuh kapan saja, Tuhan pun tidak akan mudah memberikan apa yang kita inginkan jika kita belum pantas mendapatkannya. Gue mungkin belum memulai apa-apa buat menggapai mimpi gue, setidaknya gue akan mulai dari sekarang. Nggak muluk, gue cuma mau jadi seorang jurnalis sekaligus penulis. Meskipun sekarang gue kuliah di jurusan yang nggak gue minati, tapi gue akan mencari celah agar gue bisa menjadi seorang Jurnalis suatu hari nanti tanpa mengabaikan tanggung jawab gue kepada orang tua dengan cara menyelesaikan kuliah gue di bidang politik yang nggak gue suka ini. AMIN!

"Kamu punya mimpi dan cita-cita. Kamu harus lindungi mimpimu dan jangan biarkan orang lain merampasnya, meski orang itu adalah aku sendiri." - Nasihat bokap buat gue

Pernah dengar kata determinasi?

iya, karena niat, minat, bakat, doa, dan usaha belum cukup untuk mencapai kata sukses jadi formula yang diperlukan selanjutnya adalah determinasi itu sendiri. Hidup itu sulit diprediksi, tidak terorganisir bahkan sering diluar rencana kita. Kalau udah begini, kita bisa sering kecewa karena nggak mendapatkan apa yang kita harapkan dengan menjalankan apa yang sudah direncanakan. Bahkan disaat kita sudah merasa memberikan yang terbaik ada saatnya hasilnya justru tidak memuaskan. Lantas apakah kita gagal??

"There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. Ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side, it's all about the climb." - The Climb (song by Miley Cyrus)

Lagu The Climb diatas adalah salah satu lagu penyemangat dikala gue down, liriknya simple tapi 100 % menyemangati. Kita boleh punya impian dan berjalan diatas trek yang benar untuk menghampirinya, tapi hidup nggak sesimpel itu, akan ada banyak hal yang menghalangi jalan kita dan kita nggak selalu berada di zona aman. Kita bisa stuck, putus asa, bahkan kita bisa kalah sama hal sepele. Jadi gue rasa kita harus punya formula yang tepat, formula yang lengkap dengan determinasi itu.

Tahu Chris Gardner?

Beliau adalah salah satu pengusaha paling sukses di Amerika, kalau pernah nonton film The Pursuit of Happiness kalian pasti tahu ceritanya. Singkatnya, Chris Gardner adalah seorang yang pintar namun nasibnya kurang beruntung. Dia tidak memiliki pekerjaan yang baik, sehingga kehidupan finansialnya sangat jauh dari kata berhasil. Chris yang seorang ayah ingin membuat anak dan istrinya bangga, namun sayang ruang untuk mencapai sukses itu terlalu sulit untuk dijangkau. Jangan bayangkan film ini menceritakan seorang pecundang, sebaliknya film ini menceritakan Chris yang cocok dengan perumpamaan from zero to hero. Meski berkali-kali harus jatuh dan gagal, kehilangan pekerjaan, kehilangan tempat tinggal, bahkan kehilangan seorang istri yang tidak tahan dengan situasi yang ada, Chris Gardner tidak pernah kehilangan semangat, semangat untuk meraih sukses. Gue rekomendasikan buat nonton film yang terinspirasi dari kisah nyata ini.

Dari film ini gue belajar banyak mengenai perjuangan, dimana akan selalu ada masa tidak berhasil didalamnya.

Kalau gue punya kekuatan determinasi yang hebat kayak Chris Gardner, suatu saat nanti pasti gue bisa jadi apa yang gue inginkan.

Determinasi sendiri dapat diartikan sebagai ketahanan kita dalam menghadapi situasi jatuh bangun. Tahan banting dengan segala retorika hidup yang unpredictable, mengkonsumsi semangat dalam setiap hal yang akan kita kerjakan, dan gigih dalam memperjuangkan sesuatu yang di inginkan dengan modal rasa percaya dan keyakinan untuk mendapatkannya. Jangan lupa Tuhan tahu yang terbaik buat kita, Tuhan akan selalu memberi pertolongan kepada yang bersungguh-sungguh, asalkan kita harus tetap bisa membaca situasi dan aware dengan keadaan sekitar.

Jadi, masih takut karena sering gagal? Jangan khawatir jika kita menambahkan satu formula lagi dalam ramuan kiat sukses kita yaitu determinasi, berarti kita siap jadi pemenang.

Masalahnya, apa kita sudah siap untuk berdeterminasi?

"Hey dad, you wanna hear something funny? There was a man who wasdrowning, and a boat came, and the man on the boat said 'Do you needhelp?' and the man said 'God will save me'. Then another boat came andhe tried to help him, but he said 'God will save me', then he drownedand went to Heaven. Then the man told God, 'God, why didn't you saveme?' and God said 'I sent you two boats, you dummy!'." - The Pursuit of Happines

With Love,

Restu Hapsari

Dear readers.

2010-07-20T05:55:00.000-07:00

Beberapa email masuk melalui inbox di msn gue, diantaranya merupakan pembaca - pembaca blog ini yang menyarankan agar blog ini dikelola dengan menggunakan bahasa indonesia saja. Gue sangat excited membaca respons kalian di email, senang sekali bahwa ternyata gue punya pembaca yang baik hati dan peduli sehingga mau memberikan saran dan komentarnya demi blog ini jadi lebih baik. Ada banyak alasan yang membuat gue lebih memilih bahasa inggris dalam setiap posting di blog ini, selain karena bahasa inggris merupakan bahasa yang universal dan paling dimungkinkan untuk dimengerti oleh visitors dari beberapa negara, gue juga ingin lebih membiasakan diri bercerita dengan menggunakan bahasa inggris.

Bukan berarti gue tidak bangga dengan bahasa indonesia, gue juga sama sekali tidak meng under estimate blog dengan bahasa indonesia. Sekali lagi ini adalah pilihan yang gue putuskan untuk dipilih. Karena meskipun blog gue ini masih jauh dari blog yang terkenal dengan jutaan pembaca, gue punya pembaca yang notabene nya teman gue dari negara luar Indonesia which is mereka tidak mengerti bahasa indonesia. Tapi bukan berarti gue akan mengabaikan saran dan masukan yang membangun ini, seperti yang gue bilang sebelumnya bahwa gue sangat excited dan bersemangat membaca email dari teman - teman pembaca dan gue akan mulai menulis posting dengan menggunakan bahasa Indonesia. Meski begitu bukan berarti gue akan berhenti menulis dengan menggunakan bahasa inggris, karena gue punya adik angkat asal Turkey dan beberapa sahabat asal Jerman, Maroko, dan Bosnia yang selalu rajin baca jurnal pribadi gue ini. Dan akan sangat tidak memungkinkan jika gue menggabungkan dua bahasa dalam satu posting sekaligus, akan kelihatan jauh lebih jelek dari posting berbahasa inggris gue yang minus grammar dan posting berbahasa indonesia gue yang nggak memperhatikan EYD. Jadi kemungkinan gue akan selang - seling mengganti bahasa dalam setiap posting baru, misalnya posting kali ini gue menggunakan bahasa indonesia, maka posting setelah ini gue akan menggunakan bahasa inggris.

Terimakasih ya para pembaca yang baik hati atas atensi kalian terhadap jurnal pribadi gue ini, gue sangat merasa berarti karena support kalian :)
keep reading and email me.

with love,
Restu Hapsari.

Don't say goodbye friends, but when it really happen just believe we will meet again.

2010-07-19T03:59:00.000-07:00

Almost three years I'm studying at my current college. I have a bunch of good times with my best friends here.

I never really have any interest with what I learn in class, the one and only things that makes me hang on till this time is I have so many fun best friends. Maybe it was not really fun as in highschool, but at least I'm glad to have them around.

It's been two months since I ended my casual relationship, I start to figure out that I have to open my eyes widely to see what's going on around me. I wont let my self sink into deep sadness, so I believe that God will show me the way to get over it. It may sounds childish and pathetic, you'll never know till you could feel how it is somehow.

Finally, I tried to open my mind and let something new filled my mind easily. Now I'm trying to get blending with another friends, I don't wanna stuck. For God's sake, I feel more free to let my troubles go away when I'm with my new bestfriends. Why? because they don't know I'm in pain, so I can free to laugh when there's no people around me reminds me about it. I don't mean that I'm escaping my self from the problem, No. I'm just try to get it over. Because I think not every memories deserve to be remember, there's a part of memories which better forget and erased. And I know I have to free my self from this one. When I'm with my new friends I don't even remember that I have a pathetic love story, I just found my self in a new package, happy package.

Though some friends don't like my new friends because their bad labels and image, I just following my heart. I know they are a good and loyal friends. It has proven when they accepted me with so sincere. Now, almost one month I walking out with them without ignoring my old best friends. I'm happy instantly, they are more mature than me. I love to have a brothers like them, and I don't want to lose them at all. I'm sure they don't know about what I feel, because I've never showed it. But actually, I care a lot.

For shortness sake, I wanna be their real best friends, I wanna get closer with all those nice boys. Till suddenly I discovered the fucking truth that hurt me (it's hurting me more than I hurt when I ednded my Casual relationship) that they are threatened to be dropped out from campus because their IPK (final score on last semester period per one year at college). First, I was became their close friend for just a moment (one month) it's not enough for us to do something special, something remarkable as me and my another bestfriends has did. Second, our times too short. I can't imagine how about our friendship after this, I don't even have a photo with them. Third, I hate "goodbye". The word that hurt me the most as long as Iived.

Dear bestfriends, please don't say goodbye to me. If this thing really come don't say that word, don't say goodbye. Just replace that word with another words better, "see you". Times may separating us, but times will confronting us for many times. No worry, Just believe that.

I Love you bestfriends.

Hellooooo there.............

2010-07-14T10:21:00.000-07:00

Dear readers.

It's been a long time for me to abandoning my virtual journal, my blog.
I'm so sorry again readers, I was too much thinking of every little things for last two months. I was uninspired of anything except heartache, hahaha yes heartache ( I will tell you later about this ). But, I believe that behind the worst situation I can learn something new and I figured out that now I have so many chance to do some positve things instead of regreting something that might be never happen.

Finally me and someone that I told you on my previous posts before (I did a casual relationship) have decided to end up with separation. He was hesitate on me, and he wont hang on for so long. Maybe it was my fault, I doubt too much because he couldn't assure me enough. Ok stop talk about it, I just want to say thankyou so much rinaldy.

Maybe I was hurt as hell but I had so many good times during this two months. I bought so many books and novels, had a quality time with my family, catch up with my bestfriends and get closer to another.

Me and my college mates went to Candi Prambanan last june.

We had a praktikum sispemda in jogja last june, so much fun. but my lecture gave me D as the result. shitty.

I tried hard to inspire my self with some stories from book and it works. I'm writing a story now and I should to tell you that writing could heal the heartache, at least that's what I feel.

Some books that I read for last 1 month, fucking inspiring.

Next month I turn to 20 and that means I'm getting closer to adult, no I'm not ready enough.. I wish I still on highschool today. I always afraid to be an adult, it's like the life could be more cruel when I through it. But I have to face the truth, face my adult time, and I will give the ovation to welcoming my future. I hope you guys do the same thing.

OH BIG NO NO, I'm getting fatter.

with love,
Restu Hapsari.

God Works in a mysterious ways.

2010-04-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

Nothing is impossible, because impossible is impossible.

Smiles,cries,laugh,hurt and the worst truth is over now. Honestly, I'm kinda ashame to talk about this thing anymore. But I can't pretend this thing had taught me everything, how to love, how to care, how to be honest to my heart, how to be sincere, how to be happy, how to not forget what I need, how to appreciate a simple thing, how to not hiding what I feel, how to realise the most ugly truth and accepted it, in the end this thing taught me how to let it go. ~~Perfect !~~

I love him, but I know he can't fight for it.
He told me that he love me, but at the same time he can't do anything to assure me.
He has a lot of reasons to put his love on me, but he has only one out of sense classic reason to make me walk out of his life.
Classic, he told me " I love you dear, but all I do is the best for you. leave me, I'm not the best for you ".

Should I cry??
I don't know.

In fact, I cry for about two hours.
why?
Because I love him, I thought we were so good together.
And I know he has a reasons, so thanks for all those reasons.

Now, I'm over it.
Thanks God, you let this feeling grew in easy way then you let this feeling gone in the same way.
I know God works in a mysterious ways.

Thankyou Mr R.
You draw my world without any sketch, and now the picture was done.
Imperfection for the perfection.
One thing that you should know that you can't stopped me to love you and you can't stopped me to get over you.
I'm on my own way.

I believe that God works in a mysterious ways, you'll be ok and I'll be fine
Love you.

Your last text for me 13 april 2010 :
" Why are you always come up on my mind jelek? but please I don't want you to feel the same with me".

~~Honestly, I just can't handle my emotion when you look into my eyes.~~

However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship.

2010-04-11T04:41:00.000-07:00

I'll always want to make a story, even it's just a fiction or a fairy tale but I'll always want to make a story.
But this ain't a story, this is a reality. If the story has an ending, I hope this thing will never end.

There are many people that we meet in our lives ,but only a very few will make a lasting impression on our minds and hearts. It's these people that we will think of often and who will always remain important to us as true friend.

Dear My bestfriend :
I thank God because I met you in this crazy life.
Simple, not too much conversation between you and me.

But, you're mean a lot to me.
You look so tough outside, but you're pretty soft inside.

Classic, distance between us grows and grows.
Sometimes I think you may forget me.
But, everytime you have to know that I will never forget you.

He is Unix Rahmasaputra, we met on high school and I never thought that he's my best friend I ever had. at least only him who could makes me feel better even it's just a simple say "Hi". I don't know why am I so happy if I see he's smiling, because I know he's ok. This is so sincere, Your happiness is makes me feel happy too and your sadness is become one thing that I want to throw the most. When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there.

I will be your best friend, forever and always.

You're my irreplaceable friend.

Some Friends Are Forever

Sometimes in life,
you find a special friend:
someone who changes your life
by being a part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
someone who makes you believe
that there really is
good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
This is forever friendship...

When you're down,
and the world seems dark and empty,
your forever friends lifts you up in spirit
and make that dark and empty world
suddenly seem bright and full.
Your forever friend gets you through
the hard times, the sad times,
and the confused times.
If you turn and walk across,
your forever friend follows.
If you lose your way,
your forever friend holds your hand
and tells you that
everything is going to be okay.
And if you find such a friend,
you will feel happy and complete,
because you need not worry.
You have a forever friend for life,
and forever has no end.

P.S :

Dedicate to my irreplaceable best friend Unix rahmasaputra, you may not a hero but you're trully exist and helping me when I'm down. I hope you'll be my best thing in life forever.

Welcome April :)

2010-04-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

Hey there, this is a new begining. For me, and I hope for you too.
March has just ended, and thanks a lot for you guys to pay your attention and read all my march articles which was all about my silly casual relationship. And I swear not anymore, I'm over it now.
This month I have a plan to write some articles about celebs, do you guys agree?. Well I just want to share my opinions about them, especially their styles. I'm attract to something called fashion now. I'm not fashionista, I don't deserve to call as fashionable girl, I'm far from that stuff. But, come on fashion is something fascinating. I do lookleting in my half time, that's fun.
This April, my first post after this note is dedicate to my best friend Unix Rahmasaputra. I want to let you know about someone who always special for me, he's my best friend Unix and I will write something about him right after this one.

Love
Restu Hapsari

One Last Demand.

2010-03-22T02:39:00.000-07:00

Tonight Daisy feel so beautiful, she wear white from top to toe. She loves white, loves snow, loves vanilla, loves a white bride gown. In her opinion, white is pure and that's what her thought about Jesse.

Jesse is a boy in a dark shirt, he always wear a dark color and his favorite outfit is a plain dark grey t-shirt. Daisy and Jesse has known each other for about two years, Daisy meet Jesse in their college. And tonight Daisy really do hope that Jesse would come to see her.

Daisy and Jess has been dating for seven months. Jesse is the most talkative boy in their class, he have a lot of friends and ex-girlfriends. He's not so handsome, he's average. But he has something to impressed a girls, and Daisy trapped on it.

Daisy is a calm girl. She don't speak too much, she talks when the topic is interesting for her. But, she loves to smile and laugh. She has a bad taste of humor but she'd like to make people arround her feel happy. She's freaking weird. But everybody loves her much, and Jesse interesting to her.

These two people who have a totally different character was flirting each other. At first they were just being friends and nothing special, studying group was confronting them. Until that moment came to them, an unusual introduction moment, They had a chat on facebook. Jesse was say hello for the first, then Daisy answered him. It's so usual actually but for some reasons this is so unusual. Because, they had a silly conversation. And it's continue for the next conversation moments.

They're keep in touch over Facebook and sms for about three months, and in the fourth month they're dating for the first time. How funny they are, because when they have a face to face moments they're only have a little topic to talk to. They're more choosing to do the mute conversations, they stole a chance to staring each other, joy the simple smile, sometimes holding hand when they feel so tired.

No bullshit sweet talks, no flattery, no kisses, no hugs, all they know is they care for each other. When the things go wrong Jesse will lean down to Daisy and said " tell me what's going on?", classic but healing. One wide smile is more precious than a kisses passion, Unromantic but sincere. Date is unremarkable as always, Looking for lunch meal or watching movie and spend the rest times to listen the killers in the car. Please don't imagine a romantic candle light dinner or romantic surprises ( Daisy craving it silently ). But, Daisy and Jesse really enjoy it. Jesse told Daisy : " I don't have too much desire on you, I just wish I could be your place to hide when the world againts you". Daisy told Jesse : " I'm mars and you're jupiter, there's no formal name about their relation but the asteroid's sash stay to connecting them. Just like us, we don't need to put the status but love flows on it's way".

One day Jesse told Daisy that he love her, but too bad he couldn't be Daisy's boyfriend. Jesse told her the reason, that relationship sometimes hurts and he don't want to hurting her badly. Daisy feel so glee with that, because he don't want that status too. They go force with that, fucking casual relationship. At first this thing was going well, untill there's a feeling to make those casual relationship become the legitimated relationship. Jesse asked Daisy, but Daisy refused. She said " you have to be consistent about something that you've decided before, you don't want me as your girlfriend. you have to assure your purpose! ".

In fact, Daisy was hoping that jesse will change his mind and make a new decission. Daisy can't pretend her heart that he love Jesse very much. Jesse feel his regret because he can't make Daisy be his mine. He love her, unready to losing her. He hate his self when he told Daisy about the past decission, now he know that he want her more than everything. But now he thought that it's too late, all over now, no more hope.

While Daisy waiting and hoping for a second chance about Jesse, Jesse dissapear slowly. They're lost contact. Daisy waiting for Jesse to call her on a cell phone. When her cell phone ringing she close her eyes and quietly wishing " it's him", and she feels hurt when she knew it's not her jupiter. Jesse missing Daisy too, He picked up his cell phone for many times, but he put it down again because he thought it waste time. Both of them are sick for this situation.

It's wednesday and it's two weeks since they're lost contact. Daisy walk alone to the downtown, she would buy the killers CD. Daisy want to remember Jesse a whole day with that song. Jesse was in a distance now, he decided to get back to his hometown and wishing he could forget all about Daisy. Ironic, when Daisy waste her time to remember Jesse all day long but Jesse leave and try hard to forget her.

The main street in a downtown was full of crowded. Some people are unite in a corner street for seeing a tragedy, Daisy laying down on the ground with the blood in her head and feet. There's a bus crashing her. She look so weak and unconscious.

Three days after the tragedy, Daisy is in hospital now. Her condition is totally bad and getting worse day by day. Tonight Daisy has awake from her comma, and still waiting for Jesse to come in. She wear white, feel more beautiful than yesterday. She know that she's closer to the most immortal thing, the most glorious thing, it's mortality. But, she still hoping Jesse would appear in front of her. Untill she realised that Jesse will never come tonight, she has one last demand to God : " Dear God, please tell Jesse that I miss him so much, I love him so much, I never regret about everything that happened to us". And right after she ask her demand she's pass away.

Jesse missing Daisy very much, but he believe that he can forget Daisy sooner or later without he know that his mars has passed away tonight.

P.S : If you love someone, don't hide what your feeling. don't be afraid you will hurt someone you love

before you do your best. sometimes second chance is never come. And a casual relationship is

never good to do, I told you.

Love.

Restu Hapsari.

Five truth that hurts me the most.

2010-03-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

Dear readers.

I'm writing again, today I've been writing for three times. I don't know how to express what I feel, there's nobody to talk to. What do you feel when you discover that the truth is not like what you expecting? is it hurts?.
Life is so random. I hate to predict all the things in life, so unorganized.
Now, I'm expecting for something. I hope this time the truth will do me a favor and my expectation can be the sweetest truth. Amin.

I'm hurt when I have to hide what I really feel. Deep inside my heart I'm hoping for something and craving the things that I want become real, but outside I have to hide it all. This is hurting me as hell. And unfortunately it's happen to me now, How pathetic I am ! I can fool the whole world I swear, but I can't fool my heart. And, now I'm just pretending everyday, try to hide the truth, fake what I feel, hurt my self actually.

This post still relate to the previous posts, yes it's still about a part time lover. We had no contact since last two days, and now I miss him so badly. The truth is I really want to text him first but it's all about my dignity as a woman who always wait for a man get act first. And my part time lover do the same thing, I bet he wait for me to text him first because he want to proof something. How could this situation being so complicated.
Anyway, I just received a text message from unknown and told me "NiH sPa y...?" I do hope that's from my part time lover Joe, hahaha eventhough I don't know for sure ( I'm kinda feel relief because of it ).

But, I still have my nerves when I think about the hurtly truth. I'm still in my greatest fear and consume my fucking curiousity. Well, it's easy to hide something and play the drama but It's getting harder when I have to act and showing something I'm not. It seems like I'm living for someone else's life, it's not easy for me. More than that, it's all about heart.

Five truth that hurts me the most when I through this undefinable thing with you Mr Part time lover.

It hurts when I have to pretend to anyone else that I don't care about you, because the truth is I'm thinking of you all the time ( gosh, I admit it ! ).
It hurts when I have to hide my smile in front of your eyes when you near me, it's like unimportant to see you smile at me. But the truth speak your smile is what I miss the most.
It hurts when I have to turn my face to not seeing you because I don't want you to know how much I care for you, eventhough the truth is you're the only reason why am I attending the class.
It hurts when I let my self not to tell anything when you try to make a conversation between us, I just can't fight the truth that I really want to tell you everything about us.
It hurts when you call me dear, babe, or something like that and I realised that you're not mine

~~That's Fucking hurt as hell~~

But, I have to face this hurtly truth.

The Moldy Peaches - Anyone else but you.

2010-03-21T02:06:00.000-07:00

Dear readers.

This is real, now I'm just staring in front of my laptop and read some blogs and then write again and again. it means my mood on writing is well now. I hope this can be a new begining for me to get up. Honestly, I don't have any remarkable stories to share with you during this day. I'm just stay in my room and reading a few blogs and listening The moldy peaches over and over again. But, it doesn't means I'm stuck on those situation. Now I have and get so many inspirations and ideas to do instead of waiting someone texting me on my cell phone. Well, now I'm addicted to The moldy peaches song's titled anyone else but you. I'm sure you guys know that song.

Lyrics | The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else but You lyrics

Why am I so addicted to that song? well, the lyrics remind me about someone. truthfully I hate to admit it, because I'm too ashame for that. As I told you before, now I have a close friend and he's a boy. I don't know if what we doing can be called an open relationship or not, but we really do it now. This is the same boy that I ever told you on my previous notes, yes still him. And I hope he will never know that I've write so many things about him on this blog. Let's call him Joe ( I love Joe Jonas, he always judge him self as "my joe jonas" and her nick name is Jo too ).

The song is so us, this the first time in my life I feel so stupid on this things. Sometimes we just talk about the silly things over sms, and when we meet on the college we're almost never speak too much. At first I just want him to be my part time lover and a full time a friend, but now why I feel so different?. I know it must be the effects of the habit, now I can't pretend that I always miss his jokes.

Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right.This part describing us, we didn't stay for a consistency. But what we do is FUN, souds crazy funny huh?. Gosh, I think I'm getting sink into this unpredictable thing. Well, is that mean I'm in love? no, please not now I'm just not ready to feel it now. I don't want to ruin my plans because I'm in love. No restu!

But it's been a long time since we starting our first conversations. And now I feel that he's mine, but the truth is the opposite. That's fucking hurt.

I'm a bit insane for this thing, I'm not ready to break up. Eventhough, he told me about what his feel (and the good news are he feel the same way with me) but I'm still doubt about us. We didn't really know each other, but the sounds in my head says " I don't care about everything ".

He's not the boy that I want, not my type exactly. But I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but him. I will always try to keep it real, and I hope he do the same. Because I'm in love with how his feel. Still don't know how long this things could be lasting out.

*sighs
I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.
But you.
( sing it quietly )

taken from : Juno the movie

Raindrops dancing in my hand.

2010-03-20T20:45:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Briseis.

I can't do anything, I just want to tell my story.

Lately, I saw a boy in the red jacket, jumped beneath the stars.

He was helping me to count the stars, I know I know he was treating me because I'm only 8.

He told me "the stars is too much so I can't count it for you litle girl".

And at that time, I feel so bliss.

He was on my random dream, I was ever dream of him eventhough I don't know his name.

The rain was fall as slow as I saw his move, na.. na.. na.. na.. and the cupid was singing to us.

I heard the most romantic words in a silence, the old town seems so new.

The gray day turn into the sunny day.

Till I heard a single voice, " honey, you have to get back to your mom! she must be confuse where you are".

The rain washed the street, we're wet.

He took my hand, and I felt my heart beat.

If I have to wish for one thing, I would wish I could born 15 years sooner.

I bet this boy is 23.

He brought me back to my mom and then he said his farewell.

I'm a bit of disapointment.

But, at least I still can feel the raindrops dancing in my hand, when I recall that moment.

Hello, my name is Briseis.

I can't do anything, I just want to tell my story.

I'm (still) no one, but I gotta be someone.

2010-03-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

Dear readers.

What do you think about my blog's new look? is it messy? well, I did the editing in the middle of the night. I hope you like it baby !

By the way, day by day my passion in writing is getting better. I was read a few blogs of indonesian blogger who has a creativity and inspiring. I have to thank God because I really love reading, at least when I get bored I do the worth thing.

Yesterday I was just thinking about how to become "someone" on my younghood, well for these last two days I was spend my time looking for fresh inspiration. and guess what, I get it now. Firstly, I found cassey's blog and it attracted me to read over and over again. Not only cass but also sarah jane, this girl is pretty unique. she write anything on her own way. Cass and sarah inspired me to do the same things, just write what I want and what I think. I wish I could inspiring people too. amin !
And I'm not forget to visit alanda kariza's blog but unfortunately she didn't write a new one. Last night I got tweet by kezia gabriella, a young talented blogger. she asked about her idea to quit blogging, and I said No. we had a little conversation over twitter and she was thank me because I made her feel better.
Well, a friendly tweet by cass and gabby making me eager to do something so I could be someone. I got my positive spirit because of it, after all those annoying day and my bad mood now I get a wake up call. I still don't know what exactly that I should do for a begining, all I know is now I have to rearrange all my plans eventhough I still have no direction to reach it. So, I do it with writing on my blog now and I do hope I could be an officially writer like cassey, amin. I know it seems too far away, at least I would try from now. I don't want to lose my chance. I have to keep moving on.

I remember that Paulo coelho told us in his book The alchemist, if we really wishing for something and have a strong desire, a whole world would help us to make it come true. And I believe it.

I want to be an author, that's the one of my big dream. I was write a few short story and long story but I have never get them finished. I just discover some of them on my laptop, and I never notice that I have made so many unfinished story. that's bad baby, cause they has a good title but I don't know how to finished it. The stories was too old, so I'm forget about the idea of stories. But, I will start with my new stories. And now, beside I will write all about my life here, I also have a plan to write some poetry and fictions. Just wait for that dear, because I believe someday I will become "someone" eventhough now I'm just no one.

Anyway don't forget to read Letters, stories, and dreams by cassandra niki. it has been sold on a bookstore and you will never regret to have it.

Thanks Cassey, Thanks :)

2010-03-19T04:02:00.000-07:00

Dear readers.

Today my mood is getting better than before (wide smile). eventhough I still can't get up from this bad temptation and still can't find the energy to get a power but I'm better now.
Anyway I just get a new haircut, I hope this new haircut can affecting my mood better day by day. seriously I'm tired for being bad on mood !

Hahahaha... I'm so sorry if I become so narcissistic, but this is the first time I take a pose in front of the camera during this fucking two months. at least, now my passion for being narcissistic is getting back :p.
Anyway, today is the best day for me on this boredom march.
why? because I just discover someone who can make my spirit up (Finally).
She's Helena Cassandra niki sucahyo, I'm in love with her blog and now I'm so addicted of it.
I woke up this morning and had breakfast with a fried rice and Ice tea, I did my habit (tweeting), and writing on this blog. And till I saw tweet by casseybunn so I opened her page and visited her blog http://blog.casseybunn.com I read her articles and I got a new inspiration to get up from this shit situation, I love everything she wrote and she told everything that made me say "hey, I need to wake up !".
and I love her tagline on her blog, she say remember: if it hurts, it's probabbly worth it.

I didn't read the whole articles on her blog, it will take times but I will read it soon. the one of her articles that I love, titled ironic, this is my favorite. and besides she writes her inspiring ideas, she also writes about photography. I bet she has a good taste in art, you can see her cool arts on http://casseybunn.deviantart.com

she was make an awesome works. Now, cassey is an officially writer. Her book titled Letters, Stories, and Dreams has been sold on the bookstore, and I can't wait to read it.

Cassey is beautiful, not only beautiful she's cool, creative, smart, and open minded too.

Well, just like me she's a girl in a small body posture, she's 20 now and I'm 19. But she's already make a "something" and I wish I could be like her. anyway, I tweeted her this morning and she's tweeted me back.

she told me:

casseybunn @restu_etuu Well good morning then! If I have inspired you, now it's your turn to inspire someone else ;)

Thaks cassey I wish I could :)

I don't know why am I so sensitive right now?

2010-03-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

Dear readers.

I'm so sorry if you get boring of all my articles during this month, seriously I get depressed in everything.

Like I told you before I have no passions and didn't feel eager to anything. And blogging always makes me better enough.

Anyway, I want to tell you a little thing that I have never told to anyone except my best friend aciit. ( let me do my bellying ache right now please.. ).

This is so new for me, yeah I have never doing this before. now I'm in an open relationship.

that's so ridiculous for me.

There's a boy that flirting on me and I don't know why am I do the same thing? that's kinda weird for me, because to be honest I was never care about this thing before.

This boy is not my type, he's too ordinary. Honestly I'm hoping to get a boy who can surpassing me in everything, it's more chalenging and more motivate me to do more and more.

And then he came along, I have no impression to him at first.

As I always do I was never pay my attention to people who can't attract me with something. well, I'm atrract to someone who have a wide knowledge or same hobby with me, although I can't pretend that someone who has a good looking sometimes more interesting.

We started our chit chat over facebook, and we chatted almost everyday (on Facebook). I treated him as my classmates, nothing special just unremarkable chit chat. I don't even think that we could be a good friend because we almost never had a conversation before. And one month has been passed, he texted me for the first time on last november but that was just say hello.

I don't know his story in a detail way. he was still have girlfriend on december but he still keep in touch with me, and we're getting closer day by day. January he was breakup with his ex - girlfriend and he was carry me more than before at that time. That's so natural for me, I don't have a reason why I did the same way to him.

I just feel comfort to share my stories with him. and all those unremarkable conversations, all those ordinary things always makes my day more enchanting. Now, we're still doing this. He told me about what his feel and so do I. At least we know already what we really feel to each other. But, hey we still can't put a relationship label into us. I doubt him on everything, but I get my nerves now. I want live my own life and reach my aim now, I don't want to have any commitment with this thing, but in the other hand I don't want to lose this habits, I don't want to lose someone who always want to know about my self.

Dear readers, this is the one of reasons why am I so confuse with my life now. when I sink into this thing, I'm so sensitive.

Help me, I need fresh inspirations.

you're my vanilla twilight

2010-03-17T20:20:00.000-07:00

I Miss you, darling I wish you were here.

(this is trully what I feel, inspired by vanilla twilight - owl city)

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

a story about home

2010-03-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

I'm very exhausted now.
If I have any three wishes, I just want to use one of them. Please, please, please bring me to my own home.
Home, is the right place for me to end up, a final destination to go, a place where I belong.
I don't want to be a melancholic or dramatic. this is what I feel.
I know what I want, but how long I can wait for that. everyday was unremarkable, my day was begin with a simple things and end up with so ordinary. please teach me how to learn to take a wisdom in every second.
I'm still holding on here, wait to find my way home.
Seconds, hours, many days, I'm still losing my way.
Give me a reason to fight, and what if my chance has over please assure me that I was wrong.
Home, I need to get back to this place and take some rests.
But, I go nowhere now. I have no place to hide my self from all those shit things.
Anyway, I've lost my passion in everything I used to love. I don't have any spirit like before.
I can't help my own self as I always do.
Patronsaint, I need you..
Your heart is the most beautiful home to me.
Let me lean on you for a moment, Please...
I almost gave up my dreams, so take me by the hand and show me that I can.
In your heart, I can take my every step struggle.
In your heart, I can run so fast.
In your heart, No boundaries.
In your heart, there's my home.

Hello March :)

2010-03-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

I say hello to MARCH.
Welcome MARCH I wish this month would be better for us. Amin

February just ended, I was never realized how come that time could be so fast?. And I didn't blogging too much on last february.
I just starting my March moment with some weird things.
That's funny, but I've been stop dreaming for a while. I was live my life with holding super dreams and now my dream, my life seems like has been paused.
What's going on with this? why now I'm just stare for something strange and I don't event know is that thing trully exist?.

~~Nevermind.~~

I want to be a calm girl but frontalistic

It's ain't about something wrong in my life, eventhough I can't pretend this is strange and ridiculous for me.

tell me what should I do to bring the real me back?

Fairytale is never over. . . . .

2010-02-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

I wish I was a ~~princess~~, who live in my own dreamland....

I love to dream become a princess, my mom said it was normal :) yeah I told her when I was six. She has never hear this wildest dream of mine again right now, because I'm 19 now and it's impossible to tell this.

if you think I'm dreamer, don't stop to think about me that way.

Why??

Because that's fact, I'm trully dreamer.

I wont stop to always dreaming. I stay on my imagination, I love to be in a fairytale. I don't care what everybody think about me and all those my wildest dreams, as long as I live I wont leave my dream.

Fairytale is my favorite part in this life.

I bet it's the only thing in this real life that deserve to be everlasting forever. without fairytale there's nothing an image of happiness, this world might be hopeless and seems unreal. if you have no same idea with me about this, I wont to make you trust what I feel okay? no pressure this is just my thought.

I've been learning so much things through fairytale.

I was learn how to be brave as robin hood, I was learn how to be struggle as cinderella, I was learn how to trust my self as a tinkerbell, and I proud of archiles.

This world is getting seriously more and more in every second. I don't know... but I couldn't feel and I don't even find the peace anymore. whenever I tune on TV and see the news, I always see there's a violence everywhere. a murder, war, fighting, gosh they were hurting each other and that's happen over and over again.

well, I don't mean to judge people with all their bad actions ( for me that's so annoying and pathetic, totally bad ). I just wondering why all those crazy things should be happened? I know every people have their own bussiness and their own life, I'm just a little girl who knows nothing. but I really miss the peace and the sincere love to be spread. I really do hope this isn't real. maybe I don't know everything all about the agression between a states, or what become the reasons behind a fighting tragedy in the court room. I never understand, and I'm not interest to understand at all. I just want to listen a bird whistling without any sounds of gunners, all I want to hear is the children crooning without fear. all we need is a peaceful world, as a fairytale.

Everytime I close my eyes, I dream of a fairytale.

I have more than any dreamland on my fairytale world.

I feel the peace.

it's ain't about I wanna be a princess, I'm a princess on my own way. at least everyone can be anything whatever they want to be as long as they believe themselves they can do it. well, I'm on that way.

But it's more than that.

more than a tale of prince and princess, more than a tale of brisies and archiles, more than a tale of alice in a wonderland..

I just can find what I want to hear here, I can feel what I want to feel here, I can see what I want to see here.

It's better for me.

It's better when I dream about my dreamland with all these an amazing things on it, than I lived for a cruelty, hurting each other, cheating, eventhough it's the real life.

I wish I'm a pixie from a fairytale so I could brighten the whole entire world with a love.

So I can see the sincere wide smile in the morning and laugh loudly in the night.

And I will make this fairytale never over.

Fairytale become a Reality.

T.H.A.N.K.S

to making me smile like this :)

Restu Hapsari say thank you FAIRYTALES.

You're my Best Friend, You're my Best Man

2010-02-11T13:01:00.000-08:00

Hello Boy :)

You looked so cool when you hold that Basketball. I never thought that we could be friend. I still remember when you came to me, it's wednesday. anyway I really want to tell you this, and I think it's more than just "THIS". you were my bestfriend. and you will be the best thing that I ever had forever. don't ask me why ! because I can't found the reason why, don't beg me to stop please ! because it wont stop dear. I will be your friend forever.

We could talk about something serious or talk about nothing. You told me about a girl and I told you about a boy, maybe when we brought a book at the school corridor or when we shared the headset heard the adam's song.

Everyday was ordinary, almost unremarkable.

But I still remember how the way you laugh when the silliest things attacked you.

Dear my Best Friend, if I have to give you something I wish I could give you an ability to see how you shine on me, Brighten me, you're my superman, no.. no..no.. you have no super force power !! you're my special ordinary boy :)

It's sounds crazy..

I miss you.

I miss you as my truly best friend.

we're seems so far away.

seriously, I miss your presence.

People.

we're just people.

changing anytime and can't control the fate.

try hard to make it.

sometimes everything goes wrong, it doesn't work out.

Never.

I never leave your world.

when the whole world againts you.

I will never forget and leave you alone.

You're My Best Friend

You're the best man that I've ever knew.

I LOVE YOU

as my best friend, as my brother.

as you are.

goshh... I didn't write for like years.

2010-02-10T18:41:00.000-08:00

Hey there, I'm really sorry ( again ) because I had no notes on this blog since one month ago. well actually I was at home lately and when I'm home I have so many things to do instead of blogging :(
and you know what, I have so many things to say right now..

1. January :
on january I was almost spend my whole time at home, doing some house work and chit chat with my mom in every hour. I feel this is rarely happen in me ( I stay in a different city with my family ) so it's amazing to hear my mom's voice everyday and we're arguing in some points sometimes. on last January was so unremarkable for me, eventhough I was spend my time mostly at home without any vacation but there's something that always success makes me smile. and I was wondering why, how come all those little things like read the text messages bring me to the happiness all day long? I mean I was with a wide smile when I woke up in the morning and still did the same way when I have to close my eyes at night. haha.. I just found someone. I and him are really good friend now, we're happy for being close friend :)) kinda flirting.. LOL !!
January was so colorful.. it was pink means happy, white means brighten me, yellow means surprised me, blue means I was sad too. I was pink when all those little things happen to me and makes me laugh and smile a whole day. I was white because I thought about everything... all the planing that I planed for my self in a future, and I was just found the slowly direction to achieve it. beside that I was look back on a past, actually when I was 16, the first time I shared my thought by using blog and goshh... I was so young, juvenile on writing and looked unpretty on a photo. but I love being me, I love spending my time for writing and reading. I was yellow when I know that I've become the one of nomination for shorty awards on twitter. so surprised when google showed me : Restu Hapsari ( restu_etuu ) was nominated for shorty awards. and I was so confused then, I mean I don't have much follower on my twitter I don't even have a list on my twitter. and again I said " how come ?? " but honestly it was making me flattered. I was blue when I found my study results on a college in third semester is worse than before, I was crying in front of the computer as shit. but then I realized this is all my fault, maybe I didn't fight all out. and miley's song made my spirit up, I love the climb that's my anthem :). and I'm so sad when I missed my lovely sister TAMEY, we had no talk for a long time and I miss her so bad.
well my holiday has ended on a last january, I was back to Bandung at 1 february.

2. February:
I'm being collegian again on this february, and my starting point on this semester has been getting started that means I have to work out!!
I wanna write some articles for some medias this month, I wish it could be published soon :))
and I'm blogging again :))

Summer's effects affecting me :)

2010-01-09T03:09:00.000-08:00

Guys... I'm so sorry if I didn't posted anything since my last notes. I was at home and did some vacations lately :) it was fun and now I have so many things to tell...
before I tell you about what I want to write, I wanna tell you guys Happy belated new year and may all your resolutions could be realized.

Guys I really adore Zooey Deschanel, she's the one of my inspiration. she's so amusing, enchanting, adorable, gorgeous and talented. and yesterday I just watched her movie that was 500 days of summer, well firstly I just thought that this movie was atracted by zooey and it's just like streotype romance movie. but hey I was wrong. this movie was doing magic. and I'm in love with this movie.

Actually, I was inspired by Summer Finn. summer is the one of character in this movie and played by my Zooey. but it's not about zooey it's all about summer. although I must confess that zooey was pretty amazing in this movie but summer finn is really facinating :)
well, I don't know but one of my reasons why I really impressed with summer are she has the same point of view with me, we ( me and summer ) was thought that love is only fantasy, and we're not looking for serious relationship.. haha
anyway I can't describing all the magical things about summer, she's too amazing :)

well, summer was frenzied, I feel those effects in me :)

Some notes from facebook

2009-12-23T05:48:00.000-08:00

Hey teman - teman, kali ini saya akan mengcopy semua yang pernah saya tulis di notes facebook saya. facebook saya akhirnya di hack juga :'( untuk yang kedua kalinya. I'm kinda stressed out !! tapi nampaknya saya nggak bisa berbuat apa - apa selain mengamankan semua yang pernah saya shared disitu sebelum nantinya bermasalah.
Disini saya akan menulis kembali catatan - catatan kecil saya di facebook tersebut, terimakasih buat yang memberikan atensi :)

Ini notes saya yang terakhir sebelum akhirnya lima menit kemudian saya tidak bisa log in kembali

Seriously, I have no idea :)

Yes, I have no idea to titled this notes.
I don't know why today there's so many things happened to me.
Laugh, Cry, and finally Smile :)
I'm so humanise, sometimes I hide all those pathetic things in me. I think there's no one need to know about it.
But I'm glad when they told me that my eyes won't lie, it showes the real I am.

And today, all those phase distortion was on me.
Sometimes, I don't know what I really want and I'm so tired of the drama.. pretending everyday.
I just want to bea normal. I want all those dreams.. my dreams seems like a castle in the sky.
I say I'm not breaking as my spell everytime I started to fall.
but, it's never enough to make me stronger.
I may looked so toughful and so calm facing all those crazy things in this life.

Hey... I'm not a sailormoon neither or xena the warrior princess.
I'm so ordinary, bit of a bored, and yeah I may not be brave.
But, I believe in a thing called Faith.
I trust the power of me is my Faith.

This notes I dedicate to all my besties in the world :

My mom, My dad, and My bro who have no facebook account ( I can't tag but I hope you know that I really love my family ). My bestfriends, best buddys, best partner Jagonk they are Nenden, Dian, Widy, Miemy, Ricky, Irwin, Haris, Dimas, Ciman, Abet.. you know I never learned to smile without you all. My dear brother, bestfriend, best man who always listen all bored stories in me Unix rahmasaputra.. well I don't know how to tell you, you always makes me feel better :). My besties Ndud, Acid, Deis, Pipit, and all of my firend on college who always smile for me.. thanks for every moments that you ever spend with me, that's so unforgotable :). For all of my sistas and bff on this facebook Arrantxa, Lily, Sara, Ivana,Nur, Angelina.. thanks a lot to throw away my emptiness when I'm alone, you guys the sweetest things that I ever found :). For my special girl who always makes me smile and happy.. she's my BSF Tamey Cansin, you're my sista forever thanks for the joy you bring to me :). For the girl next my door haha ayu, thanks to accompany me everyday :).

THANKS.. THANKS.. THANKS.. THANKS..
thanks to energized me, I'm so happy to have you arround. I'm so sorry if I have made any mistakes to you all..

special to my jagonk, as ricky always said : you're never walk alone :) :)

I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I CAN SAY :)
BIG THANKS TO YOU ALL :)
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

ini notes yang sebelumnya, pada saat saya menulis ini saya dalam keadaan yang emosional nampaknya :)

I don't believe in a words " Forever " and " always " (you may say it's my monologue)

I remember when we started on wednesday, you texted me and told me that you needed help.
and I helped you sincerely so I texted you back.
we're friends and I don't even know anything about you. we know each other but not really.
till that day when I was alone and waited for my friends in the morning, you say hello.
and then we talked about something, we've been connected since that day.
I'm so happy when I talked to you, you was there wherever I am.
and I loved to call you my bestfriend.
we're together. me, you, and another my bestfriends.
we spend our last moment before we're graduate together, breaking my rules cause I was in home late at night. but, yeah that's so fun and unforgotable.
we're closer more than just a friend. I told you everything, you told me everything.
and untill that words came from you :
" I will always by your side whenever you fall down and we're never apart, cause we're inseparable and you're irreplacable forever "

and now I just can sing :

"cause it's seems to me this things are breaking down.
we almost never speak I dont feel welcome anymore.
baby what happened please tell me
cause one second it was perfect, now you're half away out door

was I out of line? did I say something to honest?
made you run and hide like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute
now I'm not so sure

and I stare, at the phone
you still hasn't called
and then you feel so low you can't feel, nothing at all
and I started flashback to when you said forever and always

and it's rains in your bedroom, everything is wrong
it rains when you here and it rains when your gone
cause I was there when you said forever and always"

I dont really believe if there's a thing would be everlasting.
not " forever and always " but " always nothing last forever "

He's never really gone actually :)

2009-12-08T07:20:00.000-08:00

LOVE

Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.

Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved.
Love is you,
You and me,
Love is knowing,
We can be.
Love is free, free is love,
Love is living, living love,
Love is needing to be loved.

Have you guys ever heard that song ? it's the one of old song by John Winston Lennon, I think you know who he is and you know the story about him, eventhough only a little part story but I'm sure you know about him and his amazing band The beatles. It was 29 years ago today that he was shot dead in his new york apartment. But, yes the memory will last forever, there's so many people sing his song nowadays including me tonight. I was born on 1990 and he was gone on 1980. but my dad always sing it to me since I was kid, he told me the story and showed me the picture of him. and The beatles become a part of my life.

My dad sing hey jude to me with a guitar, he loves beatles so much. and I love their songs eventhough that's too old to me :).

John Lennon gained worldwide fame as one of the founding members of the beatles. He's the one of music legend and also peace activist. Well, I'm not really know about the story of John Lennon. sometime the story could be forgotten in times, but John Lennon will be last forever. I was watched chapter 27 a month ago, and I know the tragedy from that movie. because my dad never told me the detail was, maybe he was told me but I'm not really paid an attention at that time. That's tragic and unbelievable, if you ever saw that movie maybe you will understand what I mean. And I was wondering about the book, The catcher in a rye. yeah, it was influenced Mark David Chapmann who shoted John Lennon at that tragic night.

Okay, back to the point. it's inspiring John Lennon.

I was ever read in some artices that Mr. Lennon has a rebelion side, he also ever showed his cynical humour taste at his films like A Hard Day's night (1964) and his book In His Own Write. He used his popularity to supported his activity in a mission of peace. The saddest tragedy in his life is when his mother was hit by a car and it happened in front of his eyes when he was 17. and it might be a caused why he have a negative thought to a men in power. His mother dead because of the police in the drunkennes, but the police was beaten the rap. John Lennon was reputed as a clown of his class when he was school, yeah he was only make a joke during the class. Maybe it's ridiculous, yeah the legend of music in the world was looked silly in his past time. But, that's not a big deal. we can't compare those little things with his contribute to the world. He's so inspiring and unforgetable.

For me he's the one of reason why I really love my life, I wish to be inspired like him :)

and the beatles's songs always brighten up my life, cheer me up, makes me always wanna sing.

I swear, I really want to mention his achievements here. But, it's gonna be too long. yeah he was always do his best in every performance. Well I wish someday I could meet another John Lennon in this world, who can brighten up the world with his/her work. who can inspired everybody so we can share the peace and cherish the love to each other :)

I love you John Lennon, I love you the beatles.

Rest In peace John Lennon, you might be gone but the memories of you will last forever :)

PS : FOR ME, YOU'RE NEVER REALLY GONE. YOU'RE STAY IN MY EVERYTHING :)

a joke , a joke , a joke , it's just like a joke.

2009-12-07T03:46:00.000-08:00

Look at this picture below ! it's miley and liam on the last song movie ( the one of movie that I waited to watch on 2010 )

Well, it's not about miley and liam neither their newest movie. But, hey look at that picture, they did some conversation there. I don't even know what they talked about exactly, but I just can see the sweet thing happen to them.

Okay, I will keep my promise to you guys. Now, I'm gonna use Indonesian language in my every notes. eventhough I will still put some english on it and I hope you don't mind :) .
Worldie, jujur kali ini saya sedang merasa nyaman dengan apa yang telah saya miliki saat ini ( saya telah menulis tentang ini pada tulisan saya sebelumnya ), banyak teman, punya kesibukan dan waktu luang yang cukup, kuliah saya teratur, dan ya saya sangat senang dengan kehidupan yang normal ini. Meskipun sebenarnya banyak yang bertanya : " kenapa sih lo nggak mau pacaran ? " atau
" lo kenapa tu cari pacar banyak milihnya ? " . Bukan apa - apa, saya sama sekali tidak bermaksud untuk mengkotak - kotakan orang buat jadi pacar saya, that's so unfair karena pada dasarnya semua manusia itu sama. Yang membedakan cuma cara pandang dan kemauan, lagipula kita semua ciptaan tuhan and yes we are different in a good way.
So, what happen to me? saya sama seperti remaja perempuan seusia saya. saya suka jalan - jalan, nonton film, makan es krim, tertarik sama dunia fashion, it's just normal I think. Saya memang agak introvert dan protektif terhadap diri sendiri, ini bukan karena saya terlalu mencintai diri saya sendiri tetapi ini merupakan tanggung jawab saya karena saya tinggal berjauhan dengan orang tua. We need to protect our selves from the negative thing. Dan saya juga suka bergaul, have fun bersama sahabat - sahabat saya di sela jadwal kuliah sangat menyenangkan :) .

Let's stop to talk about my self, that's not really interesting it's kinda bored actually.

Miley and liam looked so in love each other, and I think I just feel the same way right now. it's sounds crazy funny to me, I was never feel this way since two years ago, and hey why I feel it now ? that's so terrible to me. Saya menahan tawa ketika saya menyadari hal ini, dan saya yakin pasti teman - teman saya yang membaca posting tulisan saya ini akan bertanya :
" jatuh cinta sama siapa lo cil ? " .
Awalnya saya tidak ingin mengakuinya, I was pretending day by day about this. but, I can't fool my heart anymore, that's too pathetic. saya sadar bahwa perasaan jarang berbohong, saya tidak bisa berbohong pada diri sendiri. saya tahu bahwa saya selalu mencek facebook nya setiap hari dan berkali - kali, hanya untuk mengetahui bagaimana keadaanya. norak ya ? tetapi, saya benar - benar tidak bisa mengotrolnya.

I feel that butterfly in my stomach, like everybody always says it really happen when you're in love.
But, I'm too ashame to admit it. ketika saya bertemu dia saya hanya ingin menjauh darinya dan melihatnya dari kejauhan, meskipun terkadang hanya punggungnya yang dapat saya lihat. it's like a big joke, ngapain punggung orang diliatin ! but it's happen to me, that joke happen to me.
Dia bukan orang yang luar biasa, jujur dia orang yang sangat biasa. Jauh dari kriteria pacar impian saya. but, it comes too natural, dia sering membuat saya tertawa belakangan ini. Dan kali ini, saya tidak bisa memprotect diri saya seperti biasanya. and yeah maybe I'm in love poison now.

Enough.
that's all my monologue.
Thankyou for reading :)

Is not a big deal, isn't it?

2009-12-05T22:27:00.000-08:00

Hey worldie how are you guys? I wish all of you are ok.
Lately, my friend told me that why I'm always use english when I write a blog to publish ? he was guess that I'm not proud of my country language Indonesia. Honestly, is not on the purpose. Just because I use english as a notes on my blog it's doesn't mean I'm not proud for being Indonesian youth and I really proud with a kind of Indonesian language. The fact is I feel so free with using english on my every articles. But it's doesn't matter for the next article I will use Indonesian language, but I still put english on it.
Talking about all of the Questions from anybody to me, they asked me anything and sometimes I was feel so confused and weird with all those questions. Because, the questions was makes me feel bored and you know what, they asking me the same questions for many times. I will not to be rude, but yeah I just got bored and tired of it. they asked me : " restu, why you don't have boyfriend ? " and I answered : " haha, that's not a big deal " but, they wants get the explanation from me, they wants a reason why. and I really dont want to talk about that please.
why ? Because I love my life now. eventhough some people said that I'm too hypocrite, because without boyfriend I will feeling so lonely, and minus. Maybe, those statement is true if I believe that's true. but, hey I don't think so. I have so many friends who care for me, I have anybody to share anything, and yes I really love them so much. I'm not pretending, honestly I feeling so lonely sometimes. it's so normal right? and it wont stay too long in me. because I'm always have a lot of things to do and when I have some free time I will spend it with some fun activity like facebooking, blogging, or having fun with all my best friends here ( we can go anywhere ), or maybe I can get some sleep and having my nap.
Worldie, we can joy our time eventhough there's no boyfriend or girlfriend in our lives. trust me is not a big deal, but it doesn't mean I wont have boyfriend ( haha lol :p ), maybe later. I just try to find out that Mr. Right man.
So, don't worry be happy :)
you have to joy your life worldie .

Everlasting Memories

2009-12-01T03:54:00.000-08:00

It so reminding and feels like has been recorded obviously all the memories that will never been erased and I will never to get over it from the story book of my life. eventhough that's the saddest tales of mine. and that's why you will always be exist there, forever.

I still remember what song's that you ever sang at that moment, a moment when you lean on my shoulder and you sang it out loud. everything seems like recorded on a compact - disc and I can press play anytime when I want to see it.

You are more than just a thing, although you will never be more than a thing that could defeat my power now. but, you're the one who create that something called power in me, you makes me looked stronger than before already. you also taught me how to leave something that unimportant to be maintained. you make me stronger, make me more understand, more to be realistic, and more to appreciated what I get and what I have.

You're not a hero. you're just a boy with a simple things and so easy to be guessed. but, you're like a sunlight who always warm me up after the rain fall made me feel so cold when I waited for the rainbow. eventhough I dont even know when will the rainbow gonna be sees. and you noticed me that sunlight will always shine on everyday, although it could be fogbound sometime. that's you, you're the sunlight who always makes me believe without a point of a reasons.

I will never be too much when I tell something about you, I will never do that. it doesn't mean that you not to be deserve that, but I'm always wants you to stay in your characther. honestly, I'm always learned something from your humanise characthers.and guess what, I was realizing about something when you cry in front of me. that I was admit my weakness. it caused I cry too, same as you. you looked so brave just like superman when you stand beside me, but you also looked tearful when you cry just like a baby. and I feel the same way. I'm not strong as I guess before ( something that I will never want to admit ).

People are people, they can changing when they think need something to be changed. but, I'm ever ask God, I asked " please, keep him safe on his self so he wont be changed ". but, I know now it's impossible. people always changing because it's a human nature. and it's happened to you, now you looks so joyable with your slow changed.

I will make a confessions :

I really missing you so much.

I think I'm normal, it's just very normal when I miss your laugh in front of me, I miss you share anything with me. because, I feel so different now. you're walk through so far with the wind arround you, with your changed.

maybe I looked so sad, but I believe you will always shine on.

you're mean a lot for me, eventhough I can't says that you're my everything. because you will never got my whole heart. and I will never stay in your heart forever, although I can still remember when you say that I'm irreplaceable. we're just ordinary people, we will be changed everytime without any awarness.

But, I will always remember you.

I will save you in my story book, in my memory that I will never erase.

I will remember you with all the revolution of your self changed.

and wait for you to sing a song and lean on my shoulder anymore.

I love you my best friend.

I love you my sunlight.

Unlimited Desire

2009-11-21T01:34:00.000-08:00

Hey worldie, after so long time I didn't post anything on this blog ( I'm so sorry for that :'( I've been so many things to do yesterday ) now I'm back to write with my own fingers again, yaaayy .
Before I talk about something, I'm gonna tell you all guys about what I did yesterday. Yesterday I have so many assignments to do and the exams too. it almost made me feel so crazy, I feel so tired to do that but yea I have no choice, it's ain't about what I love to do but it's about my responsibility.
Okay worldie, let's stop to talk about my activities it's not interesting isn't it ? and now I will tell you about my unlimited desire.
Dreams, is a power that I have to hold on.
I was talk about this one thing for about many times, and I hope you dont get bored. haha
Sometimes I think I was directed by something, I was grow up by the plan of my parents, and I'm a part of God's plan that never can be changed. Maybe that's the truth, but I just can see now what actually I want for my future. you might called it a part of that God's plan, because I believe God always has a best plan for me. whatever it might come in the end, I will do my pursuit.
yesterday, I talked to my friend about it and you know I was kinda confused, why I shared my stories with him, yes I was silly. he's not even my bestfriend. but I trust him, I think he's nice.
and guess what, he tried to supporting me :)
thanks to you, I must say.
I have so many desires, and I just try hard to make it. I believe someday would come a day when I use my red blazer and stand on my doc mart shoes, walking on a street at NYC and spend my day on Los Angeles.
Everyday, I sits on my chair at my office and I'm writing about women's things. I'm gonna make my goals and make all the women in the world become smart and appreciate thir lives. and I'm gonna be an author. I will make a songs and fairy tales. I wanna makes everbody realize that dreaming is worthed when you try to make it real. and I wanna make everybody believe that fairy tales is never over, and when they have something called a dreams, that means they have a power to continue their lives.
Nothing is impossible. because impossible is impossible. a million dreams will brings you to a million trying to make it, and a million try will be the experience that you will never forget, and the experience will help you to do something better, when you get better everytime you will get closer to your achievement, and when you believe that you can achieve I trust that a million dreams will come true, and when it comes true you will believe that dreaming can be a power, eventhough you're a part of God's plan but God always helping a people who believe their dreams could be a part of their destiny.
and my dreams always be unlimited, always be my unlimited desire. I'm always try to reach it whatever it takes.
maybe sometimes I was lost and giving up, that's so humanise. but, yea I never wanna break it I just wanna make it. and then I'm gonna hear my mom says : " I proud of you "
that's what always I wanna hear from her :'(

Heartwarming Conversation

2009-11-11T03:19:00.000-08:00

Worldie I was talked to my dad lately. we had no topic at the first of all but then we started to talk about something, something that makes my tears want to drop but I was try hard to restrain.
my dad : so restu how was your study going
me :         nothing much, it goes as usual
my dad : how you feel now ?
me : bored ( I told that when I was laugh ) yea, I think that I never see what the purpose about that
my dad : what do you mean?
me :         haha I think I was ain't match with it's science and you know that I can't enjoy my study somehow
my dad : and you must be think that you need to move on
me :         yes I wish, may I?
my dad : that's up to you, because it's all about you, your future. I have no chance to make the decision but I want you to considere it first.

we stopped our conversation for a minute, meanwhile I was thinking why I always feel unsatisfied with what I got? and I dont know why everything always seems so good in the beginning and has bitter ending? I was wondering. so, what's wrong with me ? why my heart againts my reality and why suddenly I feel everything unwell. (it's about my study). In a minute I felt the silence untill my dad was starting our chit chat again.

my dad : do you remember girl, when you had your birthday on your fifteen, you picked a black dress to weared. and I was looking at you that moment, I saw you're so beautiful with that dress and I thought that you'll be a great woman someday. did you know res, since you was born I was lay my hope to you. I know you'll be a different girl when you get adult. and I can almost prove that,now I know you're strong, you always try to find out what you need for achieving your dream. and one thing that I like you the most, that the way you protecting your dream and never let anyone to take it away from you. even it's me.
me :     I remember, but I really didn't know
my dad : and now I know, I can't force what I want to you. you have your own choice. eventhough sometime I miss you, I miss you to cry on my shoulder. I miss a moment when we sing 'hey jude' or 'better man' together. But, what you write was noticed me that you're not my little girl anymore now. you're nineteen and you should have a boyfriend...
me :       what I wrote? and hey I don't have boyfriend and I dont want !
my dad : I saw your notes and guess what, I was really surprised that you're matture. I dont know why are time goes too fast and you gotta find boyfriend as soon as you can.
me : you read my notes, noo ! but you know what daddy I think I'm not a woman yet. I still whatch disney and I still depends on a girl thing, and I want always be your little girl.
my dad : you can't res, look at your face you will always grow and grow you will be a real woman not a little girl, and I bet there's so many boys got a crush on you.
me : sometimes I wont admit it, and I always wish that I can turn back on thirteen
my dad : don't ever look back, all you need is sets your future. I know you're not a little girl but I'm only human, sometimes I might get rough, but I hope you'll keep the faith.
me : haha ( laugh out loads ) yes I will, I promise. (my tears started to fall, but I was holding on )
my dad : you have to appreciate your life and do the pursuit to reach your dream
me :   yes of course
my dad : ( singing hey jude )
me :   smile but I wanna cry, so I just left him and go.

Oh I really proud of this one girl very much

2009-11-09T07:10:00.000-08:00

Good evening worldie :)
Worldie, today I'm happy because I was change my blog's look, and you can see now my blog page is more fascinating to look than before. yaay :D
Btw, today I was chatted with my friend tarra and she's my friend on facebook. she's talented on writing and I hope we could go on chat anymore someday.
Well, worldie I have told you before about my dream and how am I interest with writing. Yes I wish with writing I can do something worth and could be a part of the greatest thing in the world.
Okay worldie, do you know who is alanda kariza ? if you're the reader of gogirl magazine or cosmogirl magazine you must be know who she is. Yes, she's a young girl, an amazing young girl actually.
Alanda kariza was started her goals with writing articles in some magazines and websites, and then I read her blog and guess what I really love to read what she wrote.
Simple but so interesting, as a young girl she's really really awesome. now she's 18 years old, younger than me. But, she has so many cool experience and you know guys I'm always envy her ( in positive ).
Now I'm 19 and I still doing nothing here, I dont want to be too ordinary. I'm always eager to be special, do the special things exactly. I really wanna hear my mom said " I'm proud of you ".
and alanda's mom must be so lucky and proud of their pretty girl.
Yesterday, I was posted a comment on Indonesian youth conference page. and the page was told us that alanda kariza will flight to london tomorrow and that means tonight, she will attend GYS 2009 overthere. and I say : " omg I really want it "
alanda is always making me amazed her and I was agape when I saw everything that relate to her. and I wanna be like her, wanna be like her.

This is alanda when she was attending Guildford forum Global Change makers as representative of Indonesia

Alanda was attended global change makers and also British council, and I was read on her blog that both of the programme was helping her to get connected with a wide of the world. she was attended the programme which attended by youth of nation arround the world. she wrote on her blog that we can do the same thing with attending global change maker as her, I wanna attending but still confuse how to apply.
and I will do more actions by following the community like that, who knows I'm the next alanda. eventhough I'm older than her. So, I will apply for British Council firstly and then I will apply for Global change makers.

Maybe you may think that I'm not creative and just plagiary of alanda. But, I dont really care, to be more creative I have inspiration and she's alanda kariza. I wish she could read what I write about her and in one day I hope I can meet her.
Worldie, I suggest you to read alanda's blog, you can find her on www.alandakariza.com and trust me she's so adorable :)

Scholarship ;)

2009-11-08T01:10:00.000-08:00

Hey worldie :) now I'm back to write what I think again.
and today, I will tell you something. it's about one thing that i've been waiting for the most.
it's about scholarship in foreign country, in UK.
I'm so glad about that, and when I found the websites which containt all about scholarship I've been so enthusiastic.
yes, study in foreign country is the one of my dream, I've been dreaming about it since I was child when I saw my cousins went to USA and Australia. and I'm obsessed with that now.
Sometimes I was just upsets for this, but I can't pretend that I want it all. and I gotta pursue and I guess I gotta achive it somehow. But the problem is I can't let my parents to pay so much money for me anymore, I'm studying in Unpad right now, one of the biggest college in Indonesia and my parents was pay the expensive fee for it. I still have one bro, and this year he would attended the university and that's mean my parents must shoot the work to pay the fee. I realise that education was so expensive.
So all I have to do is just trying hard to make it real, so that I can reach my dream and make my parents proud of me. and I'm gonna show the world that my parents is succeed educate and grows me up.
and I will reach it, I promise.
This morning I was just visited British Council's website, and I just found the information of scholarship that I'm looking for.

British Council was really helping me to get the information all about UK, including the scholarship and as we know that UK is the one of fascinating country to be visited. and I hope I can get my scholarship overthere, eventhough I'm hoping to get the scholarship in a USA.

I was just try to looking for the university which has match with science that I want to learn and I found the University of east anglia. and I think it's so interesting to study right there. but too bad I can't found the scholarship link and I dont know how to applying :'(

and I just tried to found another University again, and I visited leeds University.
I was heared that Leeds University is the one of the biggest college in england too. and I read all the terms but too bad it was closed on last month for apply. noo !

and Finally, I found The university of Bradford, and I have read the terms already, guess what I still have a chance for applying :) I'm so happy . I hope I can do that stuff well.

Worldie, I believe that I can reach my dream whatever it takes. God will help me I know. so I will do my best to achieve it.
like miley said :
" there's always gonna be another mountain, I'm always gonna wanna make it move. always gonna be an uphill battle sometimes I'm gonna have to lose. ain't about how fast I get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side.. it's all about the climb "

So, I'm gonna keep my Faith :)

the collegers in the morning :)

2009-11-03T02:34:00.000-08:00

hey my worldie :)
it's noon here and I just come back from my college and feel so tired.
today was not so bad, eventhough I'm tired with all that bored actyvity but I just let it flow. today, before I'm being collegian again, me and my friend was went to have fun in one place near from my college. I can't call it mall but that place is the only one in this town which can visited to hang out ( lol :p ). I stay in a small town and we have a same place to be visited everyday, it's JATOS.
it's kinda bored to visiting the same place everyday, but me and my friend do that.
and this morning, actually at 9.45 AM, we've been go to jatos again.
and I know what people should think of us, "omg what kind of collegers are they??" that's perhaps. yeah, it's too early and guess what Jatos was still closed (lol again) that's soo ridiculous for me. but, we're together so everything seems so right :) and we're wait till it opened.

That was us :p :p

lol... so funny when we looked like that

( when we wait Jatos to be opened )

And, we're so lucky because jatos wasn't really took a time to be opened, so that we shouldn't do the weird things outside and of course I wont took the pict whic looked soo funny like this again :D haha

when Jatos are opened, we still confused and dont know yet what to do. I mean we kinda boring with all the things there, but I dont know why we're visited that place over and over again ?.
Jatos looked empty and we're being confuse more.

She's citra one of my friend, I dont know what's her looked for?

but, she was confuse obviously.

They are Pipit and nia, they looked for some stuffs

and, I was kinda dissapointed, cause I have no pict of me more, there's no one capture it.

I just capture their pict, and they didn't know. haha

So, after we did some unimportant things before, my friends was make one decision that they will play a games, which called dance dance revolution. and omg I hate that games, but that's no matter I took more pict of them (again), lol :P

That's the stage, very small but they're always laugh when they moves over that thing.

and, I love to see that :)

nia and citra pict. they choosed a songs to played

And they were play with so happy, and tireless. what about me ?? yess, took a pict for uploaded. so I just sit on a desk, play my musics and do the candid camera :):)

when they're playing the games, they looked so hilarious, lol

So, that's just us. well what you think about us worldie? I don't wanna think about anything. we had so fun and that's more important than anything. even, the exam that has been wait after those shows. haha.

we're the typical a collegers who loves a fun things. and we're a collegers who showed our cheers and noisy laugh in the morning. lol :P

that's today was :)

I dont have any idea to make a title for this post ( lol)

2009-11-01T01:26:00.000-07:00

Hey worldie :)
I have one question and I'm craving to get the answer as soon as possible.
Worldie, I'm just an ordinary girl. with no pretty face, no something attractive, and really - really ordinary.
I'm a girl with a little face, I'm not tall nor slim. once more I says : I'm ordinary.
Okay, perhaps I'm nothing special but I have so many special things in my life. and I trust that.
I have so many friends arround me, although I dont really know are they true friends of mine or the opposite? because, we're not perfect and I'm not sure are we really acceptable person who loves their friend just the way they are? sometimes we need a friend when :
1.there's no one arround us to talk to.
2.something ain't right and we need a friend to fix it up.
3.we gotta go to some place and we need a friend to accompany us.
4.we hate being alone.
5.we need a friend to use cheat together when we face examination.
6.we need help.
okay, maybe I dont know are they sincere to me or not, but I think they love for being arround me. although I have posted note about friendship before, but I still dont know what's the fact. but make a friendship is a fun thing to me and of course precious.
okay back to the point worldie, another special things in my life are music. I couldn't live without music and I'm listening to miley cyrus over and over again everyday. it makes my life more great.
I love writing and it's special to me, I do it everyday.
so, I have so many things that I love to do in my life and tha's special for me.
so worldie, dont be upset if you think you're so ordinary. it's not about how to be loved by anyone. it's about how to love your self, and if you love your self already, everybody gonna love you too.
the question is do you love your self?
cause, I dont know am I really love my self or not? sometimes I wanna be somebody else, but I realise it's just make it worse. I can't be anymore than what I am. but I believe I can be better one.

me and tamey <3

2009-11-01T00:05:00.000-07:00

Hey worldie good day :)
well, yesterday I didn't write because I have to went out so I can't write.
But today I'm back to write again :)
Worldie, last night I was talk to my friend, actually my best friend she's tamey. Tamey is the one of my friend from turkey and guess what, we have never meet in a real world before, I just know her over facebook, she's so kind and helpful. so, we're being friend. even best friend and now I called her sissy (means sister).
I was tell her my little secret last night and talk with her is always so fun and makes me feel better. okay worldie, I just want to tell you that's tamey are so amazing, she's a good friend for me. so, now I will tell you what was me and tamey always talk about.
it's DREAM.
both of us has one dream, a big dream.
I wanna be an author and tamey wanna be a popular singer, and I know that's so ridiculous for some people. because, it was a dream of little child on five year, haha :P sometimes I think so.
But you know what, me and tamey really want it all, we think our dream is important thing and we should fight to achieve.
Dream for us are weapon to fight all of crazy thing in this world, we wont judge our selves that we can't do something. we will pushes our selves that we can do everything. and we know we can do it.

C.H.E.A.T ( something what I'm doing, but I hate it )

2009-10-30T03:27:00.000-07:00

Worldie good afternoon :)
I just wanna write right now, so I dont have any idea to post the title for this one haha .
well, today was out of planing I was not attend the first class this morning caused I was late woke up from my lovely bed. and in the noon I did my exam, it's about management and something bad was happen, okay I will tell you the story worldie, first of all I have no preparation to do my exam although my lecturer was informed us that examination will do on the next week, and it means today.
as usual I always read the materials of the examination on the night before and that's too bad I can't do it well, I dont know why am I so confused about all those materials? and guess what I was read till late at night and still didn't understand.what I read and it's just make it worse I think.
and I slept.
actually I feel so tired and bored.
why tired? it caused on the noon before I was visit my friend till the early night.
why bored? it caused I hate studying, I hate studying on my college I didn't joy my study there.
I dont wanna be a part of this dishonest bussiness called politic. I hate the science of politic which teach us to do CHEAT.
when morning came on me, I still felt so sleepy and dont wanna woke up from my bed. and I was late for attend my first class on my college. and then I wrote this blog to you worldie.
I came on my friend's dorm at 11.00 and I had my breakfast there, my friend was make a notes, some notes and it's content all the materials of the examination. I was lol and I think I will do cheat like my friends do.
I think it goes fine but I can't make the situation goes really right. and I was nervous and almost do the silly thing although sure I did the silly thing.
I hate to be cheate and dishonest, but I was also see the situation that showed me everyone was CHEAT.
just because we use cheat, that's not means we're not smart I think cheating always makes us trapped on the wrong situation, so we have to do that.
once more I say, I hate CHEATING but I dont wanna be too hypocrite sometimes we need CHEATING.
and what about politic, that's the worst thing on cheating I guess.
why? because it's not only cheating but it also something unfair. I cheat because everybody arround me do the same thing and if I the honest one that means I'm the stupid one.
and politic ? omg that's so unfair :(
all the politican try to break each other, tell the lies to the whole nation. they only think about what's good for them ain't good for us. that's selfish, egoistic, CHEAT.
I hate what I learn on my college, that's so bored and uncool.
I hate did that stupid stuff.

( finally I find what title for my note now haha :D that's CHEAT )

Everything seems so weird :(

2009-10-29T20:22:00.000-07:00

Hey worldie First of all I want to say good morning for yaa all :)
well, I want to tell you something about anyone who fooled their selves and being fake to people.
I dont wanna being rude, but everything seems soo weird to me. yeah maybe I have to mention 'facebook' here.
well, I'm fecebook user and I use facebook for about three years. at the first time facebook was so fun for me I can get connected with all my friends arround the world, and now facebook was confronting me with so many new friends and I got a bestfriends from turkey, france, england, even USA that's so great and awesome to me.
and I feel happier when I met my favorite star ashley tisdale eventhough in a virtual world, and we've been talk over inbox that's so amazing. But, now so many people that fake their facebook by using celebrities name and they say they are the real celebs, oh that's so annoying and I hate that.
I was talk with the posers of miley cyrus, selena gomez, nick jonas, joe jonas, and lindsay lohan haha that's so lol but, they are was so sweet and I feel like talking with the real celebs.
I dont know why they fooled the world with that way, are they really want to have a friend who cares everything they doing? I dont know.
But, I think friend is not unless, they will accept you and loves you just the way you are they dont care if you the real celebs or just a little girl who write so many status update on facebook.
maybe they might fooled the world but they can't fooled their heart :(
that's so pathetic and they will be so tired with this all.
But, I want to say thankyou so much for my BFF on facebook they are tamey, lily, arrantxa, ivana, jessica, and angelina they are so amazing, I love them so much and I wish we could meet someday in a real world :)

haha <3

Lazy morning :)

2009-10-28T20:16:00.000-07:00

hey world good morning :)

it's not really in the morning actually, it's 10:06 here, and I just woke up from my bed and still need some sleep maybe lol :D. but the sunshine outside the window was not permit me to do that :(

I think this day could be my lazy day, it's lazy morning. I have no schedule today.

it's gonna be fun all day long I wish.

But, I still miss my family so much, I really wanna come home and joy my lazy time there.

that's so pathetic :(

can't wait for next month and I will come home.

Okay let's back to the first point.

it's lazy morning.

what you gonna do if you have free time like this?

Simple thing

2009-10-04T09:23:00.000-07:00

Hey everybody..
I would like to share my opinion about one thing, maybe for some people it's just little thing.
It's kinda simple.
Well, it's not about a big thing which called love or some kind like bussiness of nations.
It's just about dream.
Do you ever dreaming or imagine what would happen with you in five years later or ten years later? I'm ever.
Yeah, you may think it's just question for kids when they're five, but I believe this thing could create the future on you. So, would you fight for it? common you have to think about it !
Just keep your faith and you have to believe that it would be come true, it seems like not easy and sometimes there a time that we feel upset and break down.
Sometimes we have to do our pursuit to reach what we've been dreaming.
I feel tired.
Sometimes, I think my dream seems too far away and it feels like I'll never reach it up.
But, I have to believe that I won't stop and I have to keep going whatever it worst to be.
And, that's why I write this note. I want you to notice that your big dream is your weapon to get your future.
You know what you want.
You gotta take your dream.

FRIENDSHIP

2009-09-09T02:24:00.000-07:00

Persahabatan.
Seperti tak dapat dijelaskan.
Persahabatan itu adalah kebebasan, tak butuh simpul tali untuk mengikatnya, karena jika ia memang abadi ia takkan pernah pergi.
Sahabat, a friend indeed = a friend in need.
Bukan berarti sahabat mengerti semua tentang sahabatnya, tapi sahabat selalu mengisi segala yang tak dapat dimengerti.

in this pict : niiandud, restu, citra

Ini merupakan pertama kalinya.

2009-09-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

Maksud saya adalah pertama kali posting menggunakan akun ini.
Saya Restu Hapsari, sekarang ini saya berstatus sebagai mahasiswa di Universitas Padjadjaran Bandung, tepatnya di Fakultas ilmu sosial dan politik jurusan Ilmu pemerintahan.
Sebenarnya tagline blog ini : " SAYA INGIN HIDUP " bukan karena saya mengidap penyakit mematikan atau karena ingin mendapatkan simpati orang banyak, well sebenarnya hampir bisa dibilang saya agak mengalami hal tersebut. Fisik lemah, gampang pingsan, dan pernah divonis buruk oleh dokter.
but, hey no pitty ! itu bukan apa - apa buat saya.
Saya punya strength of mind power yang membuat saya percaya bahwa life must go on, dan saya tetap harus jalan dengan langkah mantap dan kepala tegak.
Lewat blog ini, saya ingin berbagi cerita dan menulis apapun yang ada di pikiran saya.
Saya ingin hidup, artinya saya ingin melakukan hal yang saya anggap keren dan saya suka.
Saya tak mau mati dan terbelenggu dalam rutinitas yang membosankan.